Red Alert….Security Breach

I started this blog as a place to vent, a place to connect with others going through similar things. A place where I could be me. The me who’s not afraid what others may think of her. A place to talk about my fears and frustrations. I needed this place. Those that have not or are not going through similar circumstances cannot understand.

I recently had a breach of security. To be more exact, my mom found the blog. As you can imagine that’s not going all that well. I never intended for her to find it. I never intended for her to read my words, though I knew the possibility was there, it is then internet after all. I never meant to hurt her more than I already had by deconverting. I only meant to be me.

For now I’ve password protected most of my posts. Feel free to ask to read, I’m open to sharing my experiences with others, I just would rather my family not read. It hinders my ability to write so honestly.

If you would like the password, then you can email me at theagnosticswife[at]hotmaildotcom

Blink

I haven’t felt like writing lately. Every night for a week or more I’ve pulled up my blog and watched the cursor flash back at me. Blinking. Blinking.

I’ve stared at it hoping something will inspire me to write, but nothing does. Nothing has. Even now after I’ve typed these few sentences I’ve got nothing.

I suppose I could tell you all about how I’m longing to find myself in a big old historical home with squeaky wood floors on a nice plot of land. Maybe in Maine or New Hampshire. Preferably the view out my windows will have some body of water out them. I’ve always had a thing for old homes. I realize they are a lot to take care of and more and likely a money pit. That’s why I don’t have one at this point in my life. My house is relatively new and has none of the charm of an old house. No history, yet. We are the first ones making history in this home. That’s something I suppose.

Anyway, there’s that blinking cursor again, flashing at me. Yet I have nothing more to say.

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Slinky

The cat I mentioned before, Slinky, he died on the vet table on Saturday night. I mentioned he appeared to get better, so when the boys and I spent the day with my dad on Saturday I didn’t worry too much about him, but when I got home he looked bad again and he hadn’t moved. I offered him some water he didn’t want it and when he got up to walk away from it he was stumbling and fell over and had very labored breathing. I saw the look in his eye and I knew he was on his way out.

It took me 30 minutes to find a vet in our area that would meet me at the office instead of send me to the animal emergency clinic an hour away. I finally found one and he agreed to met me at his office to put Slinky to sleep. Though I hated to do it, I knew he was very ill and it was only a matter of time before he died. I just didn’t want him to suffer. After all that he died on the exam room table right as the doctor was coming in the back door. The ride to the vet had upset him caused his labored breathing to be worse and within minuets after we arrived he had passed out from oxygen deprivation. I patted his head as he drew his last breath. Though this may sound weird I sure am glad that I worked at a vet clinic  and I’ve seen that kind of death before. Had I not it would have been very, very upsetting.  Don’t get me wrong it was and upsetting experience, but I knew what to expect so there were no surprises in that aspect.

Slinky was a loner cat and mostly, only sometimes, paid attention to the AH and K2. Though I loved him, he was not my cat per si. The vet said he was very anemic, which I had notice myself and said as much to the vet a week before. It could have been anemia that killed him or one of the feline diseases that ultimately made him anemic. Though he was tested for them before I adopted him, but I had allowed his vaccines to lapse for a time and he fought a lot with a neighborhood cat.

K2 was the most upset. He cried a bit Saturday night, but by Sunday he was better and he hasn’t even mentioned him in the past couple of days.  So what remains are two cats, two dogs, a beta fish, and a hamster. Needless to say we are not done with pet deaths around here. Add to that most of the others are up there in age and it’s bound to happen again and sooner than later.

So that’s that.

Sup?

I’ve been busy. I’ve been trying to keep myself busy, so that I don’t dwell on that which I cannot change. Basically I’ve been trying not to worry about crap. Anyway, it’s not been that hard. The kids are still out of school and will be until the 10th. That and I had a very sick cat over the weekend and earlier this week.

Vet diagnosed him with some sort of respiratory illness. He didn’t seem to present with any of the usual symptoms that I’ve seen with those before though. He didn’t sneeze or have a runny nose or eyes. He was just very, very lethargic, had rapid breathing and rapid heart rate. He’d been sick about 4 days before I took him in, but he was still eating and drinking and moving around a bit at that point. The evening of the day I took him in he got so sick I thought he might die. He didn’t get out of the box I made for him for 3 days and I had to give him chicken broth and water through a medicine dropper along with shoving his pill down his throat. It was very rough for a few days. He seems to be much better today. Is drinking on his own, but still doesn’t have much of an appetite and has lost a considerable amount of weight. He’s still pretty lethargic but is able to go out to use the bathroom and move around a bit. Hopefully he continues to improve and none of the other animals get what he had.

In the midst of that we inherited a hamster. Like I needed one more animal to take care of right? He’s cute though and the boys have been wanting one for a while now.

So, sick animals, busy boys and normal house stuff has been going on around here.

What’s up where you are?

P.S. Sorry it’s been so boring around here lately. I’m trying to shake this funk and focus on the important stuff. Blogging and reading my favorite blogs tend to take a back seat when that happens.

A few 2012 Goals

I hope everyone had a nice holidays. I for one am glad they are over. This will not go down as one of my favorites to say the least.

I am excited for the new year though. I’m sure I’m not the only one who will be doing some re-organizing this year. I’m cleaning up the clutter, both physically and metaphorically. I’ve got many stacks of things both in the house and in my mind that I’ve just keep piling things on, telling myself that I will deal with them later. Later has come. For the second day of the new year, I’m doing pretty good. I’ve cleaned up my desk. I’ve finally dealt with all the piles of paper that I wasn’t sure what to do with. The AH has cleaned the garage, and let me tell you, this thrills me to no end. Thrilled I am! Now, if he should need to, he can get his car in the garage, but most importantly we won’t be tripping over things on our way to my car anymore. I hope it lasts, it’s so pretty.

I’ve got a few things I’d like to accomplish besides cleaning up the clutter. I want to learn to sew. Sewing and I did not get along in high school at all. Mostly my seam ripper and I didn’t get along. The bobbin and I had quite a few fights as well and my needle always broke. However, for some reason I’ve been wanting to learn for a few years now. There are many things that I’ve been wanting that I could just do myself if I knew how to sew. I’ve seen tons of cute pillows and curtains and Kindle cases and camera bags and aprons, that I could do myself. So that’s my first goal. Learn how to sew.

I also would love to learn how to better use my camera. I’ve said this every year for several years, but it seriously intimidates me. I’m able to point and click and get some pretty good shots, but I’d love to learn the manual mode and stop using automatic. Here’s hoping I get around to it this year.

Then there are several things that I’d love to do around the house. Small decorating things here and there. I need to finish some painting and I have several ideas floating around in my head that I’d like to get to. I will write all these down and just cross them off as I get to them. What’s left will get re-added next year.

I’d like to thank each and every one of you who read here. Those of you who comment don’t know really how helpful you have been to me this year. Thank you for allowing me to vent. Thank you for being so kind. I have awesome ifriends!

So, what are your goals for the new year? Any interesting holiday stories to tell?

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Talking Tom and I Would Like To Wish You a Merry Christmas!

I think that song might be someone’s :cough Micheal Mock cough: favorite christmas song. Or maybe not?

Anyway, I’m making cookies and getting things ready for the three christmas’s that we will be attending in the next few days.  I hope each and every one of you have a wonderful holiday!

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