Red Alert….Security Breach

I started this blog as a place to vent, a place to connect with others going through similar things. A place where I could be me. The me who’s not afraid what others may think of her. A place to talk about my fears and frustrations. I needed this place. Those that have not or are not going through similar circumstances cannot understand.

I recently had a breach of security. To be more exact, my mom found the blog. As you can imagine that’s not going all that well. I never intended for her to find it. I never intended for her to read my words, though I knew the possibility was there, it is then internet after all. I never meant to hurt her more than I already had by deconverting. I only meant to be me.

For now I’ve password protected most of my posts. Feel free to ask to read, I’m open to sharing my experiences with others, I just would rather my family not read. It hinders my ability to write so honestly.

If you would like the password, then you can email me at theagnosticswife[at]hotmaildotcom

Spiritual Death

It was recently brought to my attention that some in my family are still mourning my deconversion, which they called a spiritual death and liken it to the pain of a physical death.  It’s been 3 years since I deconverted and at least 2 since my family has known. Two years and some of them are still grieving. Still praying for me to change my mind and come back to God. Still worried that I’m going to hell, forever, to spend an eternity away from them and God.

I’m not going to lie, it’s been rough going in some of my family relationships since my coming out. There are a couple that have not been the same since, but I was a bit surprised that it was still being taken so hard by a few. That they are actually grieving as if someone has died. I guess to them I’m doomed to bad things and they grieve that.

Here’s the thing. No one has even tried to understand what happened. It seems no one really wants to know how I got from Christian to Atheist. No one wants to believe that I was capable of getting there on my own. They have/want to believe that it is someone’s fault and that someone is my husband. Instead of congratulating me on at least thinking about this stuff and researching it, even if they don’t like the results, they have taken the opportunity, when it arises, to tell me how wrong I am. How I could never, ever have been a “true” christian and how I must have never really read the Bible and how I must be hardening my heart and now I can’t hear God.

They often publicly criticize liberals and atheist posting things on stupidbook(facebook) about how the liberals and atheist are trying to take away some christian rights of theirs. Several of them are very fundamental in their thinking and as you can imagine we don’t agree on many things anymore. However, I’m the wrong one, because the Bible tells them they are right and they prayed about it. I’ve tried to explain my position, but they are blind to it and have no interest in looking anywhere but the Bible, christian radio and websites for answers.

So instead of trying to understand me, they grieve me and who I am. They don’t know what to say to me anymore. They don’t respect my views, though I have told them time and again I respect there right to believe how they want as long as they don’t try to force that on me. I’ve asked them time and time again to just respect my right to do the same. Respect my right to live my life as I see fit, to support the things I’m passionate about.

Some of them don’t really seem to know what that means or how to do that so we all seem to keep our distance from each other and the relationships grow further apart.

Religion tearing families apart for centuries.

It’s Ok to Ask Questions

Sometimes I go days without thinking about how reveling my unbelief to my mom has ultimately cause a much bigger rift in our already cracked relationship, and sometimes I think about it for days.

It had been a few days since I thought about it, but with mother’s day coming up it has been on my mind. As I was driving to get the kids from school I realized something. A few people in my family must have not thought I was very smart. One of the first things and one of the things that I’m still told by a few is that I am just following what my husband does. That this is not of my own doing, I did not think this stuff up. While parts of that may be true, such as I don’t know if my questioning would have ever led me down this road because I didn’t know this road was an option, the end result is all mine.

I have to wonder if they just saw me as a non-questioning, conforming person? I admit though I had questions I was too afraid to find out the answers before. I was, for the most part, a non-questioning, conforming person.  I didn’t know that questioning one’s religion was an option and that it was ok to do so. I didn’t know that there might be another answer out there besides “just have faith.”

I’m glad I know now that asking questions is ok. We might not get the answer we are wanting, but it never hurts to ask. Right?

Betty Bowers

I found Betty Bowers on my Facebook feed. It was from a site called Being Liberal. Mrs. Bowers makes some pretty good points and throws a bit of humor in as well.

This was the one on my FB feed. I could/should? post it on my feed, because daily my christian friends post about abortion. I didn’t share it there because I try to keep that kind of thing off my FB, so as not to upset the family. That’s why I’ll share it with you here!

 

Many more videos of Betty Bowers on youtube some funnier than others.

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Atheist Spirituality

I’m reblogging this from Zoe’s This is how I feel. How we all feel. This is life.

Atheist Shoes

Did you know there is a company in Berlin, Germany that makes shoes, for atheist? Well, there is and they recently did a study of sorts. They began to notice that it was taking a long time for some of their customers in the U.S to receive their shoes, they begin to think it had something to do with their packaging. Their findings were interesting.

You can see that study here. You can also buy some shoes here too, if you want! I found the reason for their logo to be humorous.

Where you surprised by their findings? I was not. There is a stigma with the word atheist and it seems that people sometimes lose their senses about them where that word is concerned.

New Series at Alise Write

Alise at Alise Write has started a new series called The Christian Guide to Atheists.  Last week’s topic was debunking the myth that Atheists are Satan worshipers. This week deals with the myth that those that have deconverted where never really Christians to begin with.

It’s been an  interesting series with some interesting conversation in the comments. Just thought I’d share. Click over if you’d like and join in on the conversation. I’m sure Alise would appreciate it.