Red Alert….Security Breach

I started this blog as a place to vent, a place to connect with others going through similar things. A place where I could be me. The me who’s not afraid what others may think of her. A place to talk about my fears and frustrations. I needed this place. Those that have not or are not going through similar circumstances cannot understand.

I recently had a breach of security. To be more exact, my mom found the blog. As you can imagine that’s not going all that well. I never intended for her to find it. I never intended for her to read my words, though I knew the possibility was there, it is then internet after all. I never meant to hurt her more than I already had by deconverting. I only meant to be me.

For now I’ve password protected most of my posts. Feel free to ask to read, I’m open to sharing my experiences with others, I just would rather my family not read. It hinders my ability to write so honestly.

If you would like the password, then you can email me at theagnosticswife[at]hotmaildotcom

Posted in Agnostic, Atheist, Family, Life, Outing Oneself | Tagged , , | 12 Comments

Texting with a Friend

8960326_origRecently I was having a text conversation with the person I call my best friend. I say that because quite frankly we’ve not done best friends things in a long time. When she found out about my deconversion she was angry and scared and she pulled back from me. Apparently at that time her teenage step-son was giving the family some grief. I’m not sure what he did or is doing, I’ve asked her on several occasions and she says it’s too upsetting for her to talk about. That for the past year she had been feeling depressed and was just beginning to feel better. I said ok when your ready you can tell me, to which she agreed.

Somewhere in there my deconversion came up. She she that was upsetting to her as well and did cause some of the depression. I apologized for that being so upsetting to her(which I’m getting kind of tired of doing. Why should I apologize for my experiences. I can’t control how others deal with them.). She said she didn’t want to talk about it either because calling her best friend and atheist upset her too. I said well don’t call me an atheist then. I’m ok with being called an unbeliever, or a humanist. To which she said “The H word makes me want to puke. Lets just avoid the topic for now, if we can.” At first I let it slide, but as I talked with her more it began to bug me that she appears to think that what I am or what I stand for or how I live my life clearly repulses her. I finally told her that it was upsetting to me that she would be so repulsed by something I identify with. She said she feels like “that work is a justification for something that feels like is trying to take my friend from me.” I wrote that I still didn’t understand. That humanist are for people and the greater good. Her response was “yes. It “sounds” lovely.”  My response was “being for the greater good is lovely. Helping others is lovely. We are humans we need to help each other, not hurt each other. Be a champion for good.”

We went back and forth for a little while longer and then she said she needed to stop talking about it because she was starting to feel depressed. In our discussion I told her that saying something like that was hurtful. That I could tell her what I really think about Christianity, but that I don’t because I’m her friend, that is important to her and that I’m here to build her up not tear her down. She didn’t have anything to say to that, but she texted me everyday for several days after that, with small talk and chit chat. I believe she probably felt a bit guilty for being so judgmental, since she’s always saying religious folks are judgmental, but of course she doesn’t lump herself into that group.

I thought I was fine with how we left things. To tell you the truth I’m not sure how I feel right now. I kind of believe that we have only remained friends and I use that term loosely because we have been friends for 15 plus years. We were high school friends. There is history. She and I are going to need to talk about this at some point face to face. I need to see if she is able to drop her preconceived notions about what she think she knows atheism and humanism is and listen to my side of the story. Not just what her church and her devoutly religious mother have told her.

While I sympathize with my friends and family about their being upset I left religion, I’m not apologizing anymore for it. I’ve done it more than once to each of them. They sure as hell haven’t been as apologizing for their behavior. I’m beginning to become very impatient with those that continue to want me to live the life they want me to live. How about you live your life as you see fit and I live mine as I see fit. If we can find some medium ground there and remain in each other lives that’s great. If you continue to condemn me and disrespect me and mine then you can take your judgement and opinions with you as you go. Life is too short and precious to be surrounded by those who don’t love you unconditionally.

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Posted in Agnostic, Atheist, God, Life, Outing Oneself | Tagged , , , , , | 9 Comments

Mr. Annoying

This guys. This is how practically my whole state believes. This is how most of my family believes.

He’s so proud isn’t he?

I,however, learned something new. I’ve never heard someone use the “uni= 1 and verse = word” thing before.

Not sure why,but this guy annoyed me greatly. Apparently he feels the same way about the “Mr. Atheist” he refers to.

Posted in Atheist, Christian, God, Tales from the Bible Belt | Tagged , , , | 3 Comments

Loyal

I’ve seen this come across my Facebook feed several times now. The people who repost it are always so excited that this popular song has gotten a Christian spin.

I never noticed until I became an unbeliever just how much Christians talk and sing about being covered by his blood. It’s kind of creepy to me now.

http://www.godvine.com/This-Pop-Song-Just-Got-a-Christian-fb-gv–5209.html

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Grey’s Anatomy- April and Jackson

I’ve watched Grey’s Anatomy for years. It’s a decent show that, on more than one occasion, has had me in tears and sometimes a bit annoyed. A few years back they did an episode where one of the doctors had a preemie. Not a later term preemie but a very early one and that whole story line was unbelievable to me. I’ve seen and read about earlier (23 weeker and on)babies and their journey in the NICU is never as easy as they portrayed it in the show. Though those episodes made me cry because being reminded how scary it was and what your child looked like hooked up to stuff was very realistic.

So It’s been a few years since I could personally relate to a story line. That is until last weeks episode. Two characters, Jackson and April, are newly married. April is a devout Christian and Jackson is an unbeliever. While this has come up in a few other episodes as they try to navigate their love for each other amongst their differences it came to a head in episode 20.

In the first clip it’s setting the scene for the second clips explosion of emotions.

This second clip is the one I can relate to.

I’ve been there, in an argument with a believer, them being very passionate about what they believe and then as the unbeliever being finally pushed to the edge where you stop trying to be so nice and just blurt out what you really think. The look on her face when he says he thinks it’s imaginary. I’ve seen that face on my loved ones. As she shifts into feeling sorry for him, feeling pity for him. I’ve been him before, realizing that someone you love feels pity for you.

I’m interested to see how this story line plays out. I think this is a relevant topic for today’s society. We are seeing this more in everyday life. Families having to navigate through someone no longer conforming to their religious upbringing. My hope is that they will not have Jackson’s character have some sort of religious awaking. I’m hoping that he will be allowed to have his beliefs and argue for them, while being respectful and allowing April to keep hers. I’m hoping they allow these two to work through this because it can be done. I’ve seen it in real life. It’s not easy, but I think it can be done.

Of course, if they want to have April come to reason, then that would make it even better, however I’m pretty sure that’s not going to happen because I’ve read that the woman who plays April (Sarah Drew) is a Christian and it is her goal to have them portrayed as good people who are not extreme and who are not judgmental. I just don’t see her agreeing to having her character change her beliefs. Hopefully I’m wrong.

Do you watch Grey’s Anatomy? What are your thoughts on this particular argument that the characters are having? How do you think it will end for them?

P.S. Jackson’s eyes ;) and face. :)

 

 

 

 

 

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Healing Rooms

http://kfor.com/2014/04/25/more-oklahomans-turning-to-different-source-for-healing/

Thoughts or comments?

Posted in Uncategorized | 8 Comments

Easter

1abunnies007b1I’d like to do away with Easter all together in our house hold, but I probably won’t for the kids sake.

My whole family, strangely, stopped celebrating Easter together 5 or 6 years ago. Mainly when my grandma got up in age and couldn’t handle cooking a huge meal for everyone. No one else picked up the task, so we just stopped doing it all together. So, my kids have never experienced a Christian Easter, one where all your cousins get together and hunt colored eggs in your Sunday best, after you go to church.

The Easters they have experienced have always been here at home, with just us. In the morning they get up and find an Easter basket full of junk. I say junk, because that’s really all it ever is. Stuff they are going to immediately lose interest in and then I’m going to pick it up off the floor and put it in the giveaway pile.  They have never boiled eggs and colored them. I’ve always just gotten plastic eggs and filled them with more junk(candy, coins, small toys). They don’t even know why most people celebrate Easter. I take that back, they asked last year, but I don’t think they remember that. Of course, when they were really young I told them why it was celebrated, I was Christian then, and I know they don’t remember that.

So, it’s really not that big of a deal for them. However, since I’ve done it since they were born and they like candy, and to hunt the plastic eggs, they would miss it, so I do it year after year.

Kinda tired of it. Maybe I should get some Easter candy and I’d enjoy it more?

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What are your thoughts on Easter? Do you celebrate it and if so what does it mean to you?

Posted in About Me, Agnostic, Atheist, Children, Christian, Family, Holiday, Parenting | Tagged , , | 5 Comments

God and School

So, it’s been awhile. I’m just really having a hard time knowing what to write about. That and I’ve been busy with the boys and helping at their school. I have no time, nor do I have the concentration to write when they come home from school, and after they are in bed, well, that’s veg on the couch with the hubs time. A few of you have commented and emailed to check on me. Thank you so much! It’s nice to know that you care.

I do have a post I plan to write about today, but before I do that I’d like once again to do a question and answer post. I know I have several newer readers, some who might not have been around for the last few questions and answers. So, if there is anything you’d like to know feel free to email me or ask in the comment section.

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Ok, on with the post.

Evidently, a few weeks ago on the play ground the subject of God was brought up. I don’t know by who, or how it started, but K1 was asked if he believed in God. He didn’t tell me that this had happened until just recently, when another conversation took place in the classroom at center time, which is basically free play at designated stations in the class. K1 said when he was first asked he didn’t initially answer. I imagine him much like we all are when we are confronted with this question by someone. At least in my experience your mind goes through several scenario’s before you answer. He said he finally said no, he does not believe in God and added neither do his parents. To which one little girl replied, that she could not longer be friends with him and proceeded to try to convince several other children who were playing with him to run off and play with someone else. Which he said they did.

I didn’t hear about this conversation until a week ago, when on our way to dinner one evening he said one of his friends stopped being his friend and was telling other kids not to play with him because he didn’t believe in God. Now, let me just say my initial reaction was shock, that this was already becoming an issue in 1st grade and then anger, because this was already becoming and issue in 1st grade. He was quite indignant about the whole thing. He said he was at a center in the class with the little girl and a few others and he began to tell her that it hurt his feelings when she said she wouldn’t be his friend anymore and when she tried to get others to stop playing with him. He said he told her it didn’t matter what she or he believed that they could still be friends and that he was still a good person. I’m not sure what the little girl had told him would happen to him if he didn’t believe in God, but he told me he told her, that nothing was going to happen to him because he didn’t believe and “look, he was still here, he was fine.” I told him that unfortunately this is probably not going to be the only time this happens, to which he replied “why does it matter if I don’t believe, they can still believe in what they want to, it doesn’t have to make us stop being friends.” My boys smart! He’s also right, but I had to tell him that is not the way some people see it. That unfortunately that little girl has been taught that someone who does not believe in God is probably bad and not a good person, she doesn’t know any better and that it is our job to show them through kindness that in fact is not true. He wanted to know who would teach her such things. I had to tell him the truth and say her parents and her church and everyone else who believes the way she does.

My boy held his own. I know for a fact that this took place and that he was respectful, but able to communicate in his own words that this was hurtful to him as well as to communicate his side of things. I know this took place because the teacher told me. She also told me that she allowed them to have the conversation never stepping in because it did not involve an adult and was only between them. There was no yelling, or rudeness and at the end they seemed to have resolved something because they were playing together.  Now with that said I do need to tell you that this subject has come up in their class before,but it was just talk then. No one saying they couldn’t be friends and such. Around valentines day, when they were making their valentine boxes and my sons seatmate had things about God all over his box. The boy asked K1 if he loved God too and he simply said no, the boy told the teacher that K1 doesn’t love God, to which she said that’s ok, not everyone believes the same things.  Because I help in the classroom and because I’ve become somewhat friends with her she was able to tell me this along with a nice surprise. She too is a minority in the beliefs department that our state identifies with.

I could say much more about her, all nice things of course, but because I do not know who reads this I would never want to jeopardize her or her job. I would just like to say she handles it well and does not make it a big deal.

I’m proud of K1 for seeing that what we believe does not have to get in the way of our friendships, that standing up for ourselves is important, that doing is respectfully and with class is important. I am saddened that he has already been confronted with this. That others are already trying to make him feel less than. That he is even having to stand up for himself on this matter at all. I’m proud that he shared this experience with us and told us his concerns and how he handled it.

I did tell him that as he gets older he can explore what he believes, that just because mom and dad think something doesn’t mean he has to believe the same things. To which he said, I  kid you not, “I’m not going to believe that there is some man up in the sky listening to me. I’ve got no proof of that. “

Ahh, life in the Bible Belt.

Posted in Agnostic, Atheist, Children, Christian, God, Life, Outing Oneself, Parenting | Tagged , , , , | 9 Comments