Consuming

The thought of whether or not God, the God in the Bible, exists or not is taking it’s toll on me. I literally think about it many, many times a day. Some days I think about it and go on and some days it makes me stressed and cranky. Sometimes it’s a passing thought and sometimes I dwell on it. I don’t really like to talk about it with the agnostic hubs(AH), but at other times it’s as if I can’t control myself. I have to talk about it and then I get all stressed. I asked him how he knows he is right. I mean really, how does he know for certain if he’s right, that there is no God of the Bible. No one to answer prayers or watch over me. He says of course he can’t KNOW for certain, that he relies on scientific and logistical facts. That that is way he is Agnostic and not Atheist. That being Agnostic mean you just don’t know, but you are open to the idea if evidence, true scientific evidence, is available. Being in this limbo blows! It has not only made me question Christianity, but question myself, who am I without God? I don’t really know and that has been very upsetting to me.

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About theagnosticswife

Living in the bible belt, in middle America, with a once Christian husband who has turned Agnostic. I no longer know what I believe.
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4 Responses to Consuming

  1. Russ says:

    And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such [cases]. But God has called us to peace. For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save [your] husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save [your] wife? – Paul

    Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. Do not let your adornment be merely outward–arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel– rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror. – Peter

  2. It has been a few months since you wrote this. You may have worked this out by now… Your last question is a good one. “who am I without God?” I asked that too. Today I am the same person I was when I was a Christian. The only difference is my eyes are open to the world now. And it is beautiful.

    • theagnosticswife says:

      I am figuring this out. It’s less stressful to me now, but sometimes I step out of the situation and think. What happened? How did I get here? Never in a million years would I have thought that I would no longer believe in god.

  3. Alyssa says:

    A good friend once reminded me that he who seeks will find. The danger comes when we stop seeking because God makes no promises about what we will find when we stop seeking. Good luck on your journey, mine finally after a few years of stress and fear led me full circle – realizing that I will never know the Bible is true without a doubt, just as I can’t know anything else for certain, but that believing anything else takes just as much or more faith. God is faithful, even when we are not. We cannot figure it out because He is incomprehensible.

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