Unfair or selfish

As the AH gets further into this Agnostic thing, I get more scared. Scared mostly because what will people think. I mean we do live in the bible belt. I have begged him and if I’m honest threatened him to NOT tell any of mine or his family. I know what it did to me and I don’t want them to have to go through that pain as well, worrying about his soul and all. He said that’s not fair, what if this truth could free some of our family. He says religion is very stifling and makes you feel guilty a lot, but because he loves and cares for me and them he will not say a word.  He will continue to act like the Christian he was.

Now I realize that this is very unfair to him, as he has said as much, but he has also said that I did not marry an Agnostic I married a Christian and to keep the peace all around he will be quiet. He really is a good man. I know it’s selfish and unfair, but until I figure this all out I don’t really care. And I have decided that if I chose to become Agnostic that I probably will never tell another soul. My family would just die. It would be the equivalent of telling them I was gay or something. Not saying that derogatorily, but you know how stuffy some Christians can be, however who knows they might surprise me and say thank goodness, we’ve been thinking this stuff all along and have been afraid to let you know, although I seriously doubt that.

What do you think, is it selfish and unfair to ask this of the AH?


About theagnosticswife

Living in the bible belt, in middle America, with a once Christian husband who has turned Agnostic. I no longer know what I believe.
This entry was posted in Agnostic, Christian, God, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Unfair or selfish

  1. morsec0de says:

    I find it mildly ironic that you are asking him to present himself as a Christian by lying.

    My opinion is that it doesn’t need to come up. But if someone asks, don’t lie.

    If that causes bad feelings, well, it’s the problem of the person with bad feelings, not yours or your husbands.

    • theagnosticswife says:

      Well I’m not really asking him to present him self as a Christian really, just that I hope the subject does not come up and if it does that he really not say his opinion at the time unless specifically asked what his beliefs are. However I’m really hoping that that never comes up. AH says how sad that religion would rule us like that. I agree somewhat, but I just don’t know how to handle it and really don’t want to deal with the after math. When you have a family full of Christian who attribute every single thing to the Lord it’s bound to happen at some point. Thanks for your input I’m really trying my best to figure it all out and any outside opinion is helpful.

      • morsec0de says:

        I think what it comes down to is that you need to reach a certain level of comfort with yourself, your husband, your beliefs and his beliefs. When you reach that point, you won’t care what the family thinks. Which is horrible, because everyone wants to be involved with their family.

        But if they can’t accept you and your family for who you are, then are they people you want to be involved with?

      • theagnosticswife says:

        Your right I’m not comfortable with what he believes and I’m not really comfortable with what I’m starting to think and believe. I don’t know how to reach that point yet. I’m a people pleaser and obviously I can’t please all people at all times, including myself. I would however be devastated if I lost the support of my family, though I don’t think it would come to that just the thought causes me some anxiety.

  2. Tessa says:

    oh girl! I can totally relate!! I feel that one does have the right to privacy on the matter. Not every christian is the same
    nor every atheist or agnostic. It scares me to just put my email addy here, ya know?

    Julia Sweeney (if you havent heard of her, google or check on youtube – I think you will like her!) said when she told her parents, her dad said he wished she would have said she was gay because at least that is acceptable these days. lol.

    I am going back to the beginning of your blog, so I could be way behind on everything you are writing about. Or even if you will see this far back.

    • theagnosticswife says:

      @ Tessa I have heard of Julia Sweeney, however I’ve not gotten to watch much of her stuff so far, but it is on my list. I’m glad you’re enjoying the blog so far and I’ve seen the comments you’ve left so far. Thank you for reading! As far as the e-mail. I can see your email address on my Admin. page, but I don’t believe anyone else can and it is safe with me. I know all about wanting to remain anonymous for the time being.

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