Atheist Mothers of Multiples

Holly at Twins Plus One, Three Times the Fun asked:

I have a simple question for you: Do you ever feel like you just don’t fit in anywhere? You and I are members of what seems like an infinitely small group – atheist mothers of multiples. I was part of two moms groups, but I really don’t feel like I fit in with either of them because the multiples group is so religious and the atheist moms group has all singletons. It’s kind of lonely. Any advice?

I absolutely feel like I don’t fit in most of the time. Religion is such a huge part of people’s lives in most places. Oklahoma is no different and being in the Bible Belt I’m going to go out on a limb here and say pretty much everyone talks about it everyday to everyone. If you don’t believe in a god, it could be the Baptist god or the Church of Christ god, or any other of the denominations of god we have in America than quite simply put, you are assumed bad and immoral. As long as you have the common link of believing in some form of God of the Bible then even though they may disagree with you, you are more than likely ok in their eyes. At least that’s the way I feel about it.

I have to be honest and say I’m not a big group person. I have nothing against them and at times wish I were apart of something like them, if only to find some friends for both myself and my kids. But Holly is right, most groups are full of moms who believe and that is brought up a lot in the group. When I attended church I did join a group and I went on a few play dates, but I really could never get into them and I didn’t connect with any of the other women. I felt like an outsider. Some of that may have been of my own doing as I’m a bit shy in those types of settings until I get to know you. I think sometimes that is perceived as me being standoffish or possibly even snobbish. I am neither, once you know me.

With all that said I don’t really want to join a group where all we do is talk about our religion or lack there of. If I were to join a group I would join a more secular one, that way our beliefs would more align if it happen to come up and hopefully no one would be shocked or appalled that I’m not teaching my children the beliefs of a 2000 year old book. However like Holly, I believe that moms of multiples, who are non-believers, are few and far between. As a matter of fact I have actually googled just that before and I found no one. Somehow Holly found me and it’s so nice to know that there is at least one other person out there who fits that criteria.

So I’m wondering, like Holly, are there any other moms of multiples out there who are more secular in their beliefs? Maybe because of this post, we can find each other? Maybe not, but it’s worth a try.

So, are you a member of any groups? Are you a parent of multiples? Do you belong to your local atheist group? If so what’s it like because I’ve wondered what kinds of things you do?


About theagnosticswife

Living in the bible belt, in middle America, with a once Christian husband who has turned Agnostic. I no longer know what I believe.
This entry was posted in Agnostic, Atheist, God, Parenting and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

12 Responses to Atheist Mothers of Multiples

  1. Christina says:

    I just discovered Holly believed in what I did. I saw a link to your blog on her side bar and was like, could it be?? Another blogger, another mom of twins, someone who feels like me?? It made me feel warm and fuzzy inside lol. 😉 I am not a part of groups either. There really just isn’t anything out there for me…..but most moms I know go to church every Sunday, and have that common bond….which leaves me here. 🙂

    • theagnosticswife says:

      I completely understand 🙂 I’m glad that you found Holly and I! I’m glad that I know there are at least 3 of us out there. 😉

  2. Lac says:

    I just expressed my failure to fit in within a response to my parenting with doubt post, and am considering expanding upon it in a blog post. With homeschooling, it is essential i socialize my daughter by joining groups, but they are all so polarized. I cannot affirm the faith statements of Christian group (and cant stand their bashing of evolution), and am not liberal or crunchy enough for the secular groups.

    • theagnosticswife says:

      Lac-I read your comment on your doubting post. I’ve not encountered, to my knowledge, un-believers that are as liberal as to let their teens have boy/girl sleep overs. Wow! Yeah I don’t agree with that, but I can only assume that I would fit in better with the secular groups. I’m interested in reading your post on that should your write one. Where do we fit in? I’ve not found my place yet, I don’t know if I will to be truthful. At least not here, in my town, in my state, but maybe I’ve not looked hard enough. Also I don’t homeschool, so I can see where you have added worry and concerns in this area. What a difficult thing doubt can be.

  3. Holly says:

    Thank you so much for posting! I’m so glad to know that at least there’s you, me, and Christina! 🙂

    • theagnosticswife says:

      Thanks for asking the question! So, there are three of us at least! Where there are three there must be more!

  4. Heather says:

    I’m not a part of a “group” but I do have a weekly lunch with two woman who are also my neighbors, who have left the LDS church like I have. This school year all of our kids (10 kids in all) but one (my 3 year old) will be in school. None of us have multiples. I do think that our weekly lunch dates have strengthened my lack of belief, just to know there are others out there like me who don’t have the church venue to socialize in. Its been so nice to talk to these ladies about lack of faith, books, cooking, raising kids, marriage and all the other stuff that makes us women without the church undertones that you can find in “mommy” groups.

    • theagnosticswife says:

      That would be so nice to have neighbors as friends you hang out with, who are like minded. Both of my neighbors are older and have no young children or any interest in hanging out with us for any length of time.

      I’ve “met” so many nice people online here. We should all move to the same neighborhood and hang out! Or maybe you could just fly here once a week or so and do lunch! 😉

  5. Christina says:

    3 of us! Whoot! 😉

  6. Mary Barth says:

    I’m so late in responding but I just found this. I am a mom of b/g twins who turn 16 months this weekend. My husband and I are both atheists and live in Knoxville, TN. I absolutely feel alone quite often. Amazingly enough, I just found a fellow twin mom of 1 year old girls who recently moved here from MD and is also an atheist. It’s wonderful to be able to have discussions with someone about what you believe in. In the south, it seems religion is so inter-twinned with everything; bibles are propped up in doctor and dentist offices- even at the veterinarian, neighbors ask you openly what church you go to, you are blessed often every day, etc. My family is from NY and besides my dad who is agnostic, the rest is very christian and are not happy with my “sad” beliefs. It’s very tough and my fear is for my children. I don’t want them to be treated poorly, especially in school. As a stay-at-home mom, I don’t run into as much discrimination since I”m not around many people, but when I was working, it occurred all the time. I’m an adult and can handle it. My children may not be able to, even though my goal is to do my best to teach them about being open-minded, accepting, and have a strong personal identity– but they are still little— so who knows— perhaps we will move by the time school begins.

    • Hi Mary!

      Yes to everything you said. I worry about the same thing with my boys. I’ve been asked all those things and your right about the Bible being in every business. It’s the same here.

      Thanks for commenting!

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