Time Needs to Slow Down

Hi. I’ve miss you. Ok, not really it was nice to take a while off. I didn’t plan it, it just happened. It’s not you it’s me! πŸ˜‰

I don’t know what the hell is going on. I turned 34 on October 8th. I had a lovely birthday day. Went on a lovely dinner date with the hubs it was a very nice day. However, turning 34 has bummed me out a bit. It’s one year closer the 35 and for some reason 35 seems like it’s going to bug me big time. I don’t know why. I don’t think 35 is old now, but when I was 14 and my mom was 34-35 I thought she was :whispers: old. That quote in the John Lennon song “Beautiful Boy” “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans” is so true. As a side point it would make a beautiful tattoo as well. Anyway, to get back on track, life seems to be moving too quickly for me now.

When my boys were infants I literally could not wait until they could walk. I thought it would make caring for them much easier, and then it didn’t. When they could walk they both went different directions so then I wanted something else. I regret not enjoying them more as infants. However, I couldn’t. Their infancy was tainted with machines and synagis shots and delayed mile stones. All things preemie’s and preemie parents deal with. It robbed me of what I thought having a baby would be like. I was a nervous wreck those first few months they came home, basically waiting for them to die, because I was scared they would. I was exhausted trying to control my emotions and waking up to feed them every 3 hours and trying to keep them on the same schedule so some sort of sleep for the AH and I would be possible. It sucked and was not fun and I desperately wanted them to hurry up and get older so we could all deal better.

Now we are here. Five years down the road and I desperately want them to slow down. I want my aging to slow down. I want the AH’s aging to slow down. I want to stay here. Where they are five and say such silly things and do such silly things. Where they call me in to look at their poop because “hey it looks like it has a nozzle on it”(true story! K2 did this). Where I go “Ewww Gross!” and they giggle about it.Β  Where even though I’m tired and have a pile of things to do and the words of the book “Go the F*ck to Sleep” are running through my head because they want one more back rub or for me to come look at their drawing. As the day passes we get further away from their five-year old selves and today, this past week, I’ve had an issue with dealing with that.

Maybe it’s hormonal(I am 34 ya know, maybe I’m beginning to fall apart in the hormone area) and maybe it’s just life. Life happening while you’re busy doing other things.

p.s I did take a run today. My times are getting much better and it felt so good to get out there after taking a week off. I’m beginning to understand about the running thing. πŸ™‚
Advertisements

About theagnosticswife

Living in the bible belt, in middle America, with a once Christian husband who has turned Agnostic. I no longer know what I believe.
This entry was posted in About Me, Agnostic, Atheist, Children, Parenting and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Time Needs to Slow Down

  1. Michael Mock says:

    …And maybe it’s just this time of year. Weather’s changing, nights are getting longer, holidays loom like an impending landslide, and – at least at my house – everybody’s sick. Or almost sick. Or trying very hard not to get sick. It’s easy to feel a little down, or maybe more than a little. I’ve been feeling it, too: tired, stiff, hazy, uninspired. I have the attention span of a gnat on crack. And what I really want is to spend a couple of hours sitting in a hot bath with a good book, but if we got that sort of chance the Beautiful Wife needs it even more than I do.

    On the plus side, I’m listening to No More Kings sing “Zombie Me,” which never fails to amuse me. And I can go home in an hour or so. And I do love my boys, even when they’re certifiable biohazards. And hey, now I have something to post on the Blog o’ Doom. So I think I’ll go cross-post it there.

    Anyway, good to “see” you online again. {g} And congrats on the running.

    • theagnosticswife says:

      hmm maybe. Or maybe you are hormonal too πŸ™‚ Glad I could give you something to write about.

      I do feel much better since I went to my run/walk, which it turning into more of a run finally!

  2. TheDon says:

    I just turned 34 myself back in July. I’m actually looking forward to growing older. I have older acquaintances who continually make stupid remarks about me still being young and I’ll know as I get older, sh*t like that. It makes me want to complain about them being old and telling them to get out of the f*cking way for the young people who actually still matter.

    I’m trying to take in all the wonderful things my five kids do, but it can be extremely difficult keeping up with them all. And at the end of the day I’m pretty tired and I just want to play video games.

    At least when I get old, I’ll have a pile of excuses to sit on my ass and do nothing when I feel like it.

    • theagnosticswife says:

      Happy Belated(by 3 months) Birthday! I don’t think 34 is such a bad age, it just doesn’t seem feel like an age I should already be at. Does that make sense? In my mind I still feel in my early twenties, but that’s the ages of my youngest sister who I’m 14 years older than. It went so fast! The only person to tell me I’ll know something when I’m older is my mom. That was annoying.

      I also see you’ve moved forward in revealing identity on your blog, I notice, but hadn’t commented yet. Congrats on that move. πŸ™‚

      • TheDon says:

        Thanks.

        That’s all I’m really going to give out at this point. There’s a few things things that need to happen before I’m completely ready to share more about myself.

        But totally understand about 34. I look in the mirror and see my very gray, very receding hairline and I wonder where the time has gone. I was 20 when we got married and we just celebrated our 14th anniversary. The one thing I do regret is that I never had a post-youth life. I stopped being a teenager and became a husband. I never had a chance to ‘sow my wild oats’. And now that I’ve shed a lot of my religious life, I feel like starting over again.

        That’s what makes me hit my head against the wall.

      • theagnosticswife says:

        I completely understand that. In Dec. We will have been married 15 years. I married when I was 19 though we didn’t have kids for 9 years. I missed out on some things that are life experiences for some. The AH and I have talked about that before.

        We’ve both agreed that we might of had a bit more “fun” had we known then what we know now. Who knows though I’m happy with how my life is now. Maybe I would have done pretty much the same thing anyway.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s