Hi. I’ve miss you. Ok, not really it was nice to take a while off. I didn’t plan it, it just happened. It’s not you it’s me! 😉
I don’t know what the hell is going on. I turned 34 on October 8th. I had a lovely birthday day. Went on a lovely dinner date with the hubs it was a very nice day. However, turning 34 has bummed me out a bit. It’s one year closer the 35 and for some reason 35 seems like it’s going to bug me big time. I don’t know why. I don’t think 35 is old now, but when I was 14 and my mom was 34-35 I thought she was :whispers: old. That quote in the John Lennon song “Beautiful Boy” “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans” is so true. As a side point it would make a beautiful tattoo as well. Anyway, to get back on track, life seems to be moving too quickly for me now.
When my boys were infants I literally could not wait until they could walk. I thought it would make caring for them much easier, and then it didn’t. When they could walk they both went different directions so then I wanted something else. I regret not enjoying them more as infants. However, I couldn’t. Their infancy was tainted with machines and synagis shots and delayed mile stones. All things preemie’s and preemie parents deal with. It robbed me of what I thought having a baby would be like. I was a nervous wreck those first few months they came home, basically waiting for them to die, because I was scared they would. I was exhausted trying to control my emotions and waking up to feed them every 3 hours and trying to keep them on the same schedule so some sort of sleep for the AH and I would be possible. It sucked and was not fun and I desperately wanted them to hurry up and get older so we could all deal better.
Now we are here. Five years down the road and I desperately want them to slow down. I want my aging to slow down. I want the AH’s aging to slow down. I want to stay here. Where they are five and say such silly things and do such silly things. Where they call me in to look at their poop because “hey it looks like it has a nozzle on it”(true story! K2 did this). Where I go “Ewww Gross!” and they giggle about it. Where even though I’m tired and have a pile of things to do and the words of the book “Go the F*ck to Sleep” are running through my head because they want one more back rub or for me to come look at their drawing. As the day passes we get further away from their five-year old selves and today, this past week, I’ve had an issue with dealing with that.
Maybe it’s hormonal(I am 34 ya know, maybe I’m beginning to fall apart in the hormone area) and maybe it’s just life. Life happening while you’re busy doing other things.