In April of 2009 I had a miscarriage. I still thought of myself as a Christian then and was pro-life all the way I couldn’t fathom how someone could want a pregnancy to end. How someone could want to stop a beating heart, which I believed equaled life. I tell you this because April of 2009 is when I became pro-choice. At that time I was approximately 12 weeks pregnant. My pregnancy had not been going normally since an early ultrasound at 6 weeks to rule out twins, showed that the fetus was a week behind my calculations. Sometimes that is not a big deal, but I knew my date of conception and I knew that this didn’t bode well for my pregnancy. I knew the likely outcome and my fears were confirmed two weeks later when another ultrasound showed minimal growth and a very, very slow heart beat.
I’m a realist I could not deny the fact that this was not going to end how I had hoped. Granted I wanted a different outcome, but life is life and we don’t always get what we want. Weekly I endured trans-vaginal ultrasounds to check on the progress of my baby. Weekly I was disappointed and saddened that there was no growth and the heart beat became even slower. Of course, I was praying during this time. A time when not only was I having a failed pregnancy, but many other things were going on as well.
I began to pray that God just hurry up and take this baby. I was suffering. My family was suffering. I found it all unnecessary and I was becoming increasingly angry at the situation. What was the point of all the suffering. It wasn’t just the pregnancy I was suffering it was the other things as well. So much disappointment going on at one time. What did I ever do to deserve that?
Sitting in my doctor’s office practically begging him to give me some sort of hope, I had a realization. I just wanted it to be over. I wanted it to be done with and I was pretty much ready to sign up for whatever that may include. I kind of hinted to my doctor that I wanted it to be done, but I didn’t come out and say what I meant. I don’t even know what he would have said to that or if he would have done things differently but we agreed to just let my body do what it needed to do. At that moment, sitting in my doctors exam room, I became pro-choice.
You never know the circumstances of someone who has an abortion. Never. I believe whether it’s what we individually would do or not, we don’t have the right to tell someone what they can and can’t do with their body. Before that experience I would have never willingly ended a heart beat, which remember I felt signified life. My baby was not alive. My baby was not normal. Something was very, very wrong.
About a week later, as I sat on the couch contracting I understood. I understood how heartbreaking if must be for some women to decide to abort. How with that a hope and a dream dies. It’s not what they wanted to happen but it’s what was happening, for whatever reason.
Now don’t misunderstand. I am still pro-life, I do not like the fact that some women seem to use abortions as another form of birth control. I wish that didn’t happen, but on the flip side, what kind of life would that child lead if it came into this world unwanted and unloved from the beginning? These are all things I think about now. These are valid questions and thoughts and I know I’m not the only woman to think them.
We must stand up for our rights, even if we never, ever plan to use that right. We have the right to decide what is done with our bodies and with whom to do it with.
I fully believe that old cliché of “never say never” is true. You really don’t know what life may bring or how you will react to that situation until you are in it.
So, that is how I switched from a pro-lifer, to pro-choice.
Have you had a change of heart about something you once were very passionate about? Do you support pro-life or pro-choice and how did you reach that decision?