Gym Gossip

I’ve been going to the gym at least 3 days a week, I shoot for 4 but that doesn’t always happen. One of those days I work with my trainer. She asked how my weekend had gone and if I had any trouble after our last workout. I told her no, but I had gotten a migraine and it was a bad one, but that I didn’t believe it was caused by over working my muscles.

I have told her a little bit about my situation. How I am an agnostic atheist. How my mom and I are having issues. It was after all, how I found out that our beliefs are along the same lines. I try not to tell her too much of my family junk, but it is hard sometimes since she is an unbiased person who doesn’t know anyone else in my family. Also I have a tendency, since I became a stay at home mom, to talk too much when I’m with a peer for the simple fact that I usually just have children to talk to. I think this is an annoying by-product of being a stay at home mom, at least for me. I used to get annoyed at the over talkers in a group, now that is sometimes me and it does annoy me at myself.

Anyway, a day after I’d had my session with her, it donned on me that talking to her might out myself in my community  I’m not sure how I feel about that. She tells me about some of her clients, not names and she never points them out to me, but she has told me that one is very religious and he is intimidated by her, she says most of her men clients are. She’s talked about some of her women clients, once again never names just making small talk. She did say that one of her clients asked if my kids when to the elementary school and if I worked there because she has seen me there. Evidently she volunteers on the same day I do.

I’m thinking if she talks to me about some clients then she probably talks to other clients about clients. She doesn’t know my whole back story about how I became an unbeliever or even how difficult that journey was, only that I am one. She does not flaunt that about herself, but she is not ashamed of it and does not take issue with others knowing it. She has a son in high school who believes just as she does. It does not mean she has told them I am an atheist  but I wonder if she did would they see me differently?  Would they talk to their peers about me, would those peers work at the school I volunteer at? Would my children by affected by this?

I would never want my children to be treated differently because their parents believe differently than the majority of people in our community. However, I do not wish to hide who or what I am forever. I don’t want my children to feel any shame on my behalf either. Perhaps it is my job in this situation to be the good moral, upstanding citizen I am. To continue to help at their school. To put myself out there. To show those that my have preconceived notions about the godless, that we are not bad. We are willing to protect your children and help them, to hug them in the halls. To volunteer in their schools. To attend their birthday parties. To teach our children manners and empathy and goodwill.

We are out there. At the gym, in your schools, in your community. We are just like you, we hurt, we laugh, we get angry, we are happy. We don’t believe in a god, we don’t want to be treated differently because of that. We want what you want. We want what everyone wants. Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

Maybe I will continue to talk about it with my trainer. Maybe I won’t. Not sure yet. However, what is done is already done.

Have you ever realized after the fact that talking to someone about something might not have been a good idea?

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About theagnosticswife

Living in the bible belt, in middle America, with a once Christian husband who has turned Agnostic. I no longer know what I believe.
This entry was posted in About Me, Agnostic, Atheist, Children, God, Outing Oneself and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

19 Responses to Gym Gossip

  1. Michael Mock says:

    “Have you ever realized after the fact that talking to someone about something might not have been a good idea?”

    Heh. Heh-heh. Oh, yes. A world of yes.

  2. Rogina says:

    Question, are you ashamed of you? Why the big deal? If you don’t believe, you don’t believe and that’s just who you are. Will your “Bible Belt friends” quit being your friend? If so, perhaps, they never were friends. If you, or they can only have friends that agree with yourselves….are they or you really friends? Reading your blog makes me think may-be you are trying to hard to convience yourself and everyone else you are a non-believer. I am a white heterosexual female and I don’t ever announce it. I am a believer, my husband and most of my friends and all of my family are not, I am a Democrate and almost everyone I know are Republican. I don’t announce any of this but by my actions my friends and family know. I get jousted from time to time but I’m a big girl. Just be you, loose those “friends” and find yourself and some true friends who like you because you are you. You only have one life, be honest, moral, trustworthy….come out of the closet.

    • Rogina you ask the question I ask myself a lot. The question of why do I care.

      The answer is I shouldn’t and a lot of the times I don’t but every now and then I do. I’m in a I do moment. I care because quite frankly my family and friends care. I am different and they have made it know. To me and to others I care about. They have told me that my children and family will suffer all because I don’t believe in a god. I live in a very conservative town and state where not believing in a god is considered a very bad thing and not to be associated with. It’s ridiculous to say the least.

      I do not believe in a god. I cannot even if I tried and at this point I am good without a god but I don’t wish my kids to be affected by the ignorance and the lack of understanding that surrounds my area. My journey out of religion was very emotional for me. 30 plus years of believing is a long time and it was not without some shame during my journey out of it.

      I myself agree that I just need to get the hell over it and move on. Let by gones be bygones. I do get tired of if being an issue. But those I love seem to remind me over and over again.

      • Roging says:

        When I think of the bravery of gay children “coming out”, being real instead of living a lie. Gay women and men telling their parents, spouses, children they have been living a lie, I come away with such admiration for them and realize for the first time they can breath. If you do not believe how to you comfort your children? Does God come into the picture? If not then don’t they all ready know. If you didn’t believe in democracy do you tolerate it for your children? Did you make this big a deal about not believing in Santa? Did you announce to the world “I am a non-believer in Santa”? I think it was a quiet, just drop it thought. So announcing I AM AN AGNOSTIC I HAVE TO SHARE. Do you? If your a Morman, be a Morman, If you are a democrate, be a democrate and if you are an egnostic be an egnostic. I want with everything in me to say Jesus is who he says he is, but if he has not yet spoken to you I understand. My husband is an unbeliever, unannounced, doesn’t name or claim it, just is. He stopped me one day and said “if I were a Satanist and wanted you to just listen, be open minded would you?” From that day forward I let him be who he was. I never said anything to discourage him or tell him he was wrong. I’m not telling you are wrong, I’m telling you to free yourself. An agnostic shouldn’t care, because they don’t. Part of me thinks….you do and that is why you are constantly announcing the fact.

      • Hmm… I think that you have mistaken the fact that just because I write about it here does not mean I am out in the world telling people of my unbelief. However, if that were the case then what is wrong with that? Believers of all faiths are always telling people what they believe and why I should believe it too. When I have told someone it was not just out of the blue it was because the subject of religion or god was being talked about.

        I have noticed that Christians tend to always say to an unbeliever to just stop talking about it. If you don’t believe why make it a big deal, they say. Here’s a question if you DO believe then why is my talking about my unbelief a big deal? You should be comfortable enough in YOUR beliefs that whatever I say or do should not threaten that.

        Have you never had this conversation with people before? Where I live god is talked about by everyone in just about every conversation for the simple fact that it is assumed that everyone is a beliver in their god. That is just not the case.

  3. bumfuzzled says:

    I feel the same as you. I am 51 years old but still care very much what other people think about me. I honestly don’t know how NOT to be affected by others’ opinion of me.

    Part of the problem is even though they may be kind to me, it bugs the living daylights out of them that I don’t believe. They CANNOT understand why. They say things like “oh, but you would love our church! It’s so modern!”

    No. I would not love your church, just like no matter how you cook deer meat, I don’t love it either.

    • jinkies says:

      I am right there with you, bumfuzzled. I haven’t had anyone tell me that I would love their church if I went to it, because everyone who knows that I am atheist, doesn’t care if I am or not. It’s all my family and “church friends” that don’t know and can’t know. It would be bad. Very bad.
      And I don’t like deer meat either!

    • I understand this and have worked pretty hard to remember what others think of me does not define who I am. It is a struggle at time.

      I’ve never had deer meat. We don’t have any hunters in my family. At least not any who have shared.

  4. ... Zoe ~ says:

    A big yes from me. Big big yes! Though I’m years passed the stay-at-home mom thing, girl do I relate. And I use to think people wanted to hear what I had to say. :mrgreen: 😆

    I do believe that if your trainer is talking to you about others then it’s likely she is talking to others about you. Wise of you to keep that in mind. Even though she may not use names when she speaks of her clients, in a tight-knit community it doesn’t take much of an imagination to know who is who.

  5. Rogina says:

    It’s not a big deal to me if you talk about it. What confuses me is that you define yourself about it. That is why your blog was so intriging to me. The fact that your blog is The Agnostic Wife. It sounds as if #1 I’m agnostic #2. I’m a wife #3. I am a mother #4. I don’t want people to find out (friends and family in particular) As I asked before, are you ashamed of being you? If you had no ears would you define yourself as “The Earless Wife”? Stand tall and just be you. I am not trying to convert you, just let you love you as you. Be well with in all ways.

    • I just might define myself as the “earless wife” if I had no ears it would be part of who I was and a catchy blog name at that.

      I explained the name of the blog further in a reply to Bumfuzzled.

      I am not ashamed of myself but being agnostic/atheist is part of who I am. Along with a wife, mother to twin boys, sister,I could go on. The blog started as a place to vent and connect with those who where or have experienced a change in their or their spouses religious views. Had I been writing about having twins or twin boys, which I also have then it would be named with something a long those sorts. It’s just a blog name and only a piece of who I am.

  6. bumfuzzled says:

    I believe she did try to just be her and it blew up in her face. She has very close family members who have been giving her a great deal of grief over this. I take it that she created this blog to communicate with others who have encountered similar consequences.

    I too live in an environment where it’s just assumed you’re a Christian. When you’re “found out” people start “working on you” and it can be very intimidating when you’re outnumbered like that. At least it is for me.

    When I encounter something that knocks the wind out of my sails, I go looking for someone else who’s been through the same thing. When I found this blog it caught my attention because I am agnostic and I am a wife. It doesn’t DEFINE me and I don’t think the writer of this blog feels that it DEFINES her. She had to name the blog SOMETHING after all.

    • Yes Bumfuzzled! You understand me. 🙂

      That is exactly what has happened.

      The blog name was actually at first “The Agnostic’s Wife Blog” but after I became agnostic myself I renamed it “The Agnostic Wife” because I am all those things and more.

  7. Rogina says:

    I get it now….

  8. -rb says:

    I am fortunate to live in a populated, educated area, where there are lots of different religions, and lots of atheists as well. My catholic friends believe I am going to hell. That is stressful for them, but not for me because I am sure that I am not going to hell. It is my belief that those who respect me intellectually will internally struggle with their own beliefs, as a result of discovering my atheism.

    They constantly attempt to convert me. This says more about them than it does about me, IMHO.

    I hope you find the strength and comfort to carry on as your true self!

  9. M. Rodriguez says:

    I can’t but think when I read this, that your town is really small

    • It’s a bedroom community. Not many actually work in the town and there is really not much town to it. It’s right next to a larger town that is right next to a much bigger one.

      So yes it’s small and quite spread out. Lots if land here.

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