I’ve been reading this blog for a long time, since before I deconverted. I knew they were a catholic family. I think the children are beautiful, her house pretty, she a good mom, but her recent post rubbed me the wrong way. I’ve disagreed with her before, but her latest post seemed full of stereotypical BS that has contributed to the divide between religious and none religious and man and women.
It has motivated me to write my own letter to my children.
I read a blog post recently and it has gotten me to thinking. Thinking about what I would like you to know about life. I hope you feel that you can come to me or your dad with any and all questions that may arise as you grow older. These are my thoughts on some of them.
The blog post I read started with money, I think that’s a good place to start. Here are my thoughts. I believe that you should live within your means. Don’t over spend and get yourself into financial trouble, it’s ok to have a credit card, but by all means do not look at that as cash ready to spend how you please. With that said you might do just that at some point. If you should, do not expect others to bail you out of that situation. Assuming that your credit was not stolen, you and you alone, ran up that debt and you should pay for it. In order to do so you are going to have to work hard, save and quite possibly live without that latest gadget or car to get yourself in a better position. Bankruptcy is a very last resort. Work your hardest to do it on your own then be proud of what you have done.
I would also encourage you to give to others. However you should deem fit, but research organizations that you may give to, to make sure that you agree with where your donations shall go. Better yet get out there and help those less fortunate.
On the other side should you not find yourself in financial difficulty, that means you have used your money wisely. Make smart investments. Save for your future, put money back for your children, invest in a home. However, please remember this, because I feel that it is the most important bit of information I might give you. Do not spend all of your time doing the above. If you have a family, remember how very important they are and how important you are to them. Don’t make work your whole life and miss out on the small things that happen in the chaos of a busy home. Be there at every chance you can to tuck your children into bed. Tell them how special they are to you and that even if you don’t agree with them and are very angry at them you will always, always love them. No one on their death bed ever said they wished they had worked more.
Boys men are usually the main providers, however that is not always the case. Many house holds have switched roles where the woman works and the man stays home and cares for the children. There are homes where both parents work. Work with your spouse or partner to do what is best for your family. Let that be your guide along with working together with your spouse/partner to make the best life possible. Years ago women were thought of as the lesser sex. Many women and some men have worked hard to have our place in the world recognized. There are still advances to be made. Be leery of those who try to put you or those you love into outdated stereotypes. As a society we need to move forward, not backwards.
I do not have any daughters, but if I did I would tell them that if they should choose to have children that they will then become the most important thing in their lives. All decisions that make from there on out should be with the children’s best interest at heart. Though I chose to stay home with you, it most certainly is not the only way to go to have good, level-headed children. Working out of the home is by no means bad, having others that you trust to help care for your children when you cannot is not a bad thing and making others feel that it is, is just wrong. There are many ways to raise a family that results in happy well-balanced people. Be wary of those who try to tell you other wise. Life is not all unicorns and balloons we don’t always know what is going to happen and as long as your children and family needs are always in the forefront of your mind everything will work out. We need to stop trying to make everyone fit into the same box. There are many different ways to get where you are going.
On to the subject of sex. Sex is a beautiful thing. Some will tell you that its sole purpose is for procreation, but I am here to tell you that, that is just not the truth. It can be a beautiful, exciting, enjoying connection that you have with someone you love. I will not tell you to save yourself for marriage, I believe that would get us nowhere and is an unrealistic expectation. I would encourage you to not take the act of sex lightly though. It can be a very powerful thing and can have consequences. Chose partners wisely and protect yourself, not only from diseases, but from pregnancy as well. Remember if a pregnancy should result your are responsible for it too, I would expect you to take responsibility. That means some financial responsibility as well as being a part of the child’s life. While casual sex is fun, always remember that each time you participate there are risks, know those risk and chose wisely. Always be respectful and remember no, means NO.
Abortion is such a touchy subject and I have changed my mind on my opinion of it before. I believe that women have a right to choose. I am pro-life and pro-choice. I have never, ever heard of anyone, no matter how liberal they are being pro-death. There is a group of people who think this and even go as far to call people murders, and baby killers. Should you find yourself confronted with this issue, you should educate yourself of all possible outcomes. Know what happens during an abortion. Know that often times there are emotional scars that result after the fact. I do not believe that abortion should be used as a form of birth control and this is why I stated above that there are consequences to having sex. As the man you will not have the final say. The women will. Protect yourself. There is however adoption that is a choice if you and the women cannot provide for a child.
Remember that while it might not be what we would do, we do not have the right to demand what someone else does with their body. We do not always know the circumstances that leads a woman to an abortion clinic and just because she is there does not mean she is a bad, evil person. I’ve never, ever heard someone who is pro-choice say an abortion is a quick fix, and painless, though evidently there are those who think because you support the right to choose you believe those silly things. Things happen sometimes that we would never imagine would happen to us and decisions we never wanted to make are made everyday. Be compassionate, be kind.
Be careful what your fill your mind with. It’s true, times have changed. Nudity and sex and violence sell. It is everywhere. The problem I see with it is that is makes boys and girls feel like there is a model they have to fill. They need to be as skinny as the models and movie stars. They need to have a love or romance just as sweet as the characters in their favorite books or movies. That is not real life. No one looks that good all the time, including the person you are trying to compare yourself too. Love those for who they are and not for what you wish them to be. Living like that will only get you disappointed. Everything in moderation is best.
And now I will talk about religion. As you are aware by now, your dad and I don’t believe in a god. I believe all religion is man-made. I cannot prove to you that there is no god, as those who believes in gods can not prove without a doubt there is a god. Just because I don’t believe doesn’t mean you have to believe as I do. I encourage you to ask questions, do research. Learn about different religions, how they originated. There are many gods people believe in, many different religions. Some will try to tell you that their religion and their god is the correct god. That if you do not believe as they do that you are immoral and a bad person, who should be burned forever, killed on the spot, un-American, dumb, evil and any other number of things that have been said about those who don’t believe in a deity.
If after researching and asking lots of questions and making your own decision, you decide to belive in a god, that’s ok. I will still love and respect you. I may not agree with you, but I will not harp on you to see it my way. I will not call you names and make you feel you are bad or unimportant I will not act as if I’m better than you. If you should choose not to believe in anything at all that’s ok too. You used your reason and understanding of the things around you to decide that you see no reason to believe in such things.
You have a responsibility as a patron of Earth. You have a responsibly to take care of the earth to the best of your ability. That means recycling and supporting things that will ensure that it and it’s resources will still be available for your children and your children’s children. Some people feel like it’s not their problem someone else will take care of it, or they will not be around long enough, so why should they worry themselves. That is where the problem lies. Everyone must do their part and that is why you see me recycling and buying products that are more earth friendly. I have a long way to go, but everyone should try their best. People are living longer and that means there are more people on earth than has ever been before. We must all do our part.
Here is my greatest wish for you both. I just want you to be happy, well-balanced, helpful, compassionate people. I don’t care who you marry, if you are gay or straight. If your spouse decides to work in the home or outside of it, or if you decided to be a stay at home dad, while supporting your spouse as they work out of the home. I have been telling you this for a very long time now, and it will always be true. There will be times that I am angry with you, times that I do not agree with choices you have made, but I will always, always love you.
So go forth my sons. Share with the world your laughter and light. Your compassion and voice. Be mindful that everyone is different, people believe all sorts of different things, they have the freedom to do so and the right to voice that, but with that you have the freedom and right to voice and be who you are. Follow the golden rule that I’ve told to you time and time again. Do unto others. If you would not like it done to you, or said to you, do not do it or say it to others.
I love you always and forever, to the moon and back, infinity plus one.