Sometime last year I went to the doctor for extreme tiredness, despite adequate sleep and regular exercise, and joint pain and, well really a list of things. He poked and prodded and listened and then told me I might have Fibromyalgia. I think I mentioned this once before here, right after he told me and I basically ignored him. I don’t want Fibromyalgia. No one really knows what to do with that, least of all me. So I went about ignoring it and hurting every now and again and ignoring that as well. Sure it crossed my mind every once in awhile. Wondering if I actually had said confusing disease. Is it even a disease? I honestly don’t remember because I did all my reading on it a few days after the possible diagnosis and then I, you guessed it, ignored it.
I even had several tests done because my hands kept going numb and I was having a lot of wrist pain. I was checked for carpal tunnel and nerve damage. I had very mild carpal tunnel and not really any nerve damage. So since I wasn’t going to need to worry about those two things. I ignored any discomfort I had and moved on.
This past November I began having some issues again. For a week I was having heart palpitations. I figured it was stress related and it would go away in a day or so, since my mother in law had just died. A few days had gone by and I was still having them, along with feeling out of breath and convinced my heart was beating irregularly. Since I have predominate heart disease in my family my doctor sent me to the cardiologist. It was in his office that he asked me if I had Fibromyalgia, I’m assuming the chart said I did. It was then I remembered that I’d been told that a year or so ago.
The cardiologist did an EKG and a heart echo and a treadmill stress test. All came back fine. Diagnosis stress induced heart palpitations and the reminder that I quite possibly have Fibromyalgia. Dammit.
You may ask what my hang up with Fibro is? I would tell you quite honestly I don’t understand it. I don’t like that I don’t understand it and that it has a hold on me. Making me feel so tired and drained that if I sit down for long enough I fall asleep. I don’t nap, but when I’m having, what I now call an episode or flare up, of said misunderstood issue I sure do. Despite being able to physically do just about anything, the motivation to do it and the knowledge that I’m quite possibly going to hurt like hell for a few days after make me not even want to move. Despite all this I’m still going to the gym and working with my trainer, however during my flare up I’m doing good to go twice a week opposed to my three to four times a week.
During my two-week flare up or whatever the hell it is, I’ve noticed all kinds of things I’ve been ignoring. Like how it seems when I’m having a flare up I have vision issues. Like my eyes feel fuzzy or blurry. My head will get a weird feeling, that I can’t even explain and when I try to I just sound crazy and people look at me like, huh. My neck hurts a lot as does my back and I don’t sleep as well because my neck will wake me up. Are all these connected to fibromyalgia? I don’t know? I’ve tackle them one by one at some point or another over the years and it’s never been anything serious. I’ve tried to Google what other people feel or experience during a flare up, but there really doesn’t seem to be a site that I’m aware of that tells me that these things are fibromyalgia.
So, I get a bit frustrated and then I try to ignore it. I’m not dying and I don’t seem to have an illness, other than maybe a mild case of hypochondria.
So I guess I probably do have Fibromyalgia. I don’t like it and I don’t understand it fully. I don’t fully understand what it does or what it causes. However ignoring it is getting harder and harder.