When I started this blog in August of 2009 my about page read like this.

I live in the Bible belt with my husband, who just recently became an ex-christian and now calls himself an Agnostic. This has caused all kinds of emotions to stir within me, if asked a year ago if I believed in God and the Bible and that it’s all infallible I would have told you absolutely without a doubt YES! If you asked me now I can’t really give you a straight answer, unless of course you are my mother or other family member and then I will lie through my teeth.

In January 2011 it had changed to this.

I am now a deconverted Christian, who once believed the bible and all that it contained was infallible and inspired by God. You can read about that deconversion under the “my story” tab next to my “about” tab.

I still live in the bible belt. Oklahoma to be exact. I am surrounded by friends and familyΒ  who “love the lord” and with the exception of my mom who only has suspicions have no clue I’m no longer a believer. I’m keeping it that way until I feel comfortable enough and the right time arises for me to tell them, if and when that should happen.

I’m a 30 something wife and mom to twin boys, who I’m attempting to raise to be freethinkers. I’m new at this and still don’t know how I’m going to answer their questions, but i know for sure it won’t involve fairy tale’s and promises from the invisible man in the sky.

I can honestly say I never imagined to find myself on the unbelieving side, but one only need to open their mind and read the bible to figure it out.

Today, March 4, 2012

I am a mother to twin boys. A wife to a wonderful man. I care about animals and the earth. I try to do my best to take care of both. I am a friend and a sister and a daughter. I do not share the same beliefs as my family, but they now know that I am an agnostic/atheist. The process that it took for them to finally believe that I truly no longer believed in their fairytale fractured a relationship. That saddens me. It saddens me that religion has such a hold on people that they will do and say and think things that are immoral and claim to do it all for their moral god.

I am trying to raise my children to be good, productive, helpful and caring people. I strive to be all those things and more. My wish for them is to be freethinkers.

“You can’t convince a believer of anything; for their belief is not based on evidence, it’s based on a deep-seated need to believe.” Carl Sagan

“Those who believe absurdities will commit atrocities.” Voltaire

I welcome your opinions and comments as I believe everyone has a right to their opinion.

You may reach me by email at theagnosticswife@hotmail.com

32 Responses to About

  1. Sierra says:

    AW, I live in the Bible Belt as well (as a transplant from Pennsylvania). I grew up in a Christian home, with Christian parents, and attended a Southern Baptist church for most of my life. When I moved to Southwest Missouri 4 years ago, I was overwhelmed with how many churches there were! Never in my life had I seen a place with so many churches or Chinese restaurants. I attended a Southern Baptist college for two years, and it was so political. I left that school because of some of the politics and greed there. After I got married, my husband and I attended a huge church (one that is quickly turning into a megachurch)…we were immensely hurt by some of the staff at that church, and, quite frankly, we wanted nothing to do with church for quite a while. We moved to where we currently live (which is my husband’s home town), with no intentions of looking for a church since he had attended a good number of them in the past (and left for political reasons or what have you). We were invited to a church that was relatively new, and we decided we’d give it a shot. It has been, by far, the best thing we could have done. It is so nonjudgemental, so loving, so different. I have no idea what happened in your lives to make you question God. I have no idea why, particularly, you feel the way you do. I don’t know where you live, I don’t know what types of churches are available to you. I desperately wish that my church would be available to you. Or a church like the one I attend. I don’t know what sort of sources you have researched, but I would urge you to look into an author named Lee Strobel. He was an atheist/agnostic (I can’t remember which) who set out to prove to his Christian friends that God was a lie, a fake, a myth. He has a series of books, the first of which is called “The Case for Christ.” It is an incredibly good book, very in depth and detailed. I think that maybe he can answer some of the questions you have, since he was in the same place that you and your husband are. Please email me or stop by my blog if you have any questions. I can’t promise I’ll be able to answer them all, as I never went to seminary and haven’t studied in-depth like Strobel or a pastor has, but I’ll listen. I’ll be praying for you and your family.

    Hope to hear from you,
    Sierra Luther

    • 2012 and all that says:

      From the other perspective – I am an atheist who has read Lee Strobel’s “Case for Christ”. I can see why it appeals to people looking for affirmations but for those of us who are willing to see through his rhetoric and journalistic spin, it is empty of substance particularly on his evidences for the existence for Jesus. I deal with this evidence on my blog but I will not post the link here as I do not believe in posting unsolicited links on other’s blogs without permission.

      • It’s ok to post a link if it pertains to your comment. I’ve watched the documentary on Netflix about that book. Didn’t have enough evidence for me either.

        Thanks for commenting!

  2. atimetorend says:

    Funny post. That is a tough situation you are in, I did the same thing to my wife. I think she would echo your statements. Hope you find ways to enjoy your adventure.

  3. Hey, is you agnostic husband by any chance Jimmy?

    If so say “Hi” for me. πŸ™‚

  4. TheDon says:

    Hey there,

    I’ve been reading your posts and I can see a lot of similarities in our stories, especially where we come from in previous faiths. I added your blog to my list. Thanks for sharing your life with us. It makes me know that there are more like me out there.


  5. Christy says:

    Hi There!

    You commented on my blog a while ago. Thought I would pop by for a visit. I’m thinking of blogging again, but just don’t know how to do it emotionally. How do you manage it?

    I’ll come visit here for a while. Perhaps we can help one another.


    • theagnosticswife says:

      Hi Christy!
      I used this blog to get my emotions out. When I first started I was so confused and scared. There was so much going on. It has been so nice to just let it all out. An added benefit has been that there are others out here in the internet world like me and you. I still at times become a little overwhelmed by my new circumstances, and at times grieve what I thought I had. However, a whole new world has open up to me. Science, wow, I actually enjoy science and don’t have to try to fit it into a mold it never really fit in.

      I’m more than willing to answer any question you may have at any time, feel free to ask. I’m still learning and evolving as an unbeliever, but I’m happier than I have ever been. Feel free to e-mail me at theagnosticswife@hotmail.com

  6. Holly says:

    Oh, the internet is such a great thing! I say that because I am so happy to be able to connect with other freethinkers here. I am also a mother of twins and an atheist, although I usually describe myself as a secular humanist – it’s more precise and sounds a whole lot nicer to most people. I will most definitely be adding you to my list of favorite reads over on my site: http://www.twinsplusone.com

    • theagnosticswife says:

      Hi Holly! Thanks for commenting. I’m sorry I’m just now seeing this, it happen to go to my spam folder and I hadn’t check that in a couple of days. I look forward to visiting your blog.

  7. nick nichols says:

    Enjoyed reading through your site.

  8. yonder says:

    Ha! Found you on the atheist blogroll map. Interesting read. Fellow okie. Atheist of 12 years. I posted your about page on my fb. Very touching stories. thankyou.

  9. Kelly says:

    Hi, Agnosticswife! You left a reply on my chile colorado burrito recipe, and I popped over to your blog to see what it’s about. Although I’m a current believer, I’m looking forward to reading through some of your blog to get your perspective. Don’t worry, I’m not likely to try to reconvert you. πŸ™‚ I’m just fascinated with people’s stories–particularly their faith stories.

  10. Karen says:

    I also live in the bible belt, I am still a believer but I question alot of things that I see in church. I have serious doubts about the way the modern church is ran today and as to how it could have been Christ’s vision for his message.
    I just find it sad, but I guess interesting, that the people who seem to accept me the most are actually non-believers and I can never seem to find a church where I feel like I fit in. Maybe it’s because I’ve been to college and I do try to look outside the box and analyze things from a different perspective. I’ve found that several people I’ve been in contact with never really question their faith they just accept it because they feel its socially accepted to be a Christian and you’re not suppose to question that.
    I can understand easily how someone who has been raised around church could eventually walk away. I know for me growing up it was drilled into me every week about the Bible, God and Christ. I eventually looked deeper and did decide on my own that Christianity was my belief system because it was my choice and not what I was raised to believe. I think most people who are looking for deeper meaning go through a spirtiual journey with trying to figure things out. The hope is to come out at the other end of it and feel that you have come to a place where you can be satisfied with your discoveries. We all want to find a resolution within ourselves that doesn’t lead to guilt but peace. Your journey isn’t over and who knows you may come back to a place where you do believe and reaccept the teachings of Christ (or possibly a different religion all together), but if you don’t who am I or anyone else to judge you. I think the Church has had plenty of time for judging and maybe it’s time to start listening instead of voicing an opinion and pointing a finger. Peace and love to you and your family!

  11. dam says:

    Hi, I know we’ve read over some of each other’s posts, but this is the first time I’ve read through your about and the subsequent comments. I’ve been blogging about raising kids without religion for 8 years, and I can tell you that people seem to be softening up to the idea. I do find a lot of people in the similar boat as we are. My story is the opposite of yours–I’m the agnostic, and I made an atheist out of my husband. Reasonable people can be converted under the right circumstances.

    • Hi Dam

      I don’t really see people softening up about it around here. I think where I live plays a huge roll in how people react to my husband and I being unbelievers. I do have some family members who expressed their concern and dislike in the beginning, but who don’t seem to make a deal out of it now. Then there are those who don’t like it and make it know. I guess I’ve yet to meet a reasonable person under the right circumstances. πŸ˜‰

      Knowing that we are not alone has been tremendously helpful to me.

      • dam says:

        Hiya TAW, Yes, I meant the on-line community. Maybe just more people are connecting on the Internet. I also live in a very conservative area, so, beside my husband and kids, we don’t know anyone around here with similar views…

      • Oh yes, the online community has been great! I just recently met someone who has similar views to my own. I find that part so lonely. Maybe I shouldn’t but god comes up in conversations a lot around my town and state and it’s always a reminder that I’m different and that they don’t like that.

  12. jinkies says:

    Hi TAW!
    I have been looking for a blog like yours for forever!
    I too, am a former believer and I married an atheist. When we were married, I was still a Christian but didn’t attend church because I was tired of the drama and I didn’t want to attend without my husband because I knew that people would talk about it behind my back, to my face and pray for me and for him. No thank you.
    Over time, I had distanced myself from the religion and not once did my husband force me into thinking secularly. I did it on my own, in my own time. Through my transition, I was pagan for a year and in that time, I saw where Christianity drew most of its inspiration and I saw how ridiculous everything was.
    Now I’m an atheist and it took a while to get here, but I’m really happy that I am. My family doesn’t know that I’m atheist and when I got married, I told my family that Eric is agnostic (which he was willing to go along with and still is!) I cannot tell them and don’t think that I ever can. I’m kind of bummed about it, but at the same time, I’m saving myself so much pain, misery, and anxiety for not doing so.
    I’m so happy that I found a woman who is married and will talk about marriage, recipes and house stuff without throwing the words God and Jesus and holy spirit around and telling me my marriage won’t make it without those three. Seriously, I’m so happy to have found you πŸ™‚
    I can’t wait to catch up on all your past posts!

    • Hi! I’m so glad you found me and you like what you see!

      I myself have looked for blogs just as you’ve explained. I’ve not found but one or two and they don’t update anymore. My blog was mostly about religion for a year or more as I wrote about my journey out of faith. Now I write about whatever I want as I become more comfortable with where I am today.

      Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment!

  13. jesshubbard2014 says:

    Hi there,

    I’d love to submit a post to your blog. Or just discuss some ideas. Here’s what I have in mind:



    These appear on my rather informal blog. I’d be happy to write something original if you prefer that – this stuff really interests me! And honestly I’m not worried about the money. I was recently published in Psychology Tomorrow magazine. Check out the link for an example of my more formal work:



  14. effect says:

    Thanks a bunch for sharing this with all people you actually understand what you’re talking about!
    Bookmarked. Kindly also talk over with my site =).
    We can have a link change arrangement between us

  15. Mrs.H says:

    I am so glad i found this. ALL of the wife blogs are ALL christian based. I also live in the bible belt. I have never been a Chrisitan tho. Even at a young age my natural reaction was to reject the far off notions brought to us by religion. I came looking for advice, from someone who isnt going to give me the “leave it to God” answer. My husband and i have been married a little over a year. And bot…do i have questions for all of you veteran wives out there!

  16. Don Donald says:

    Hello, I have finally come to the realization that I too have been an agnostic for a good many years but was frozen in the culture for almost 2 decades out of fear. And with the realization came a wave of depression that’s been difficult to shake, until I further realized that it’s been there for years and has been self medicated through drugs, alcohol and the greatest opiate of all, religion. I’m not whining nor attempting to justify myself as a victim, I had help but I also did it to myself and it’s further my hope now that I know what was really going on I can perhaps rectify some things and the motivation is stronger now that I know this life is my only shot.
    One verse that kept me down was god will send a strong delusion to believe a lie, now it’s my greatest asset. What kind of god does that? Not that the deception will be there but he will send it.
    Before I continue to ramble on, my point is this. You are doing a magnificent service and I hope to help in whatever way that I can whether it’s blogging or even starting a support group here in SW MO. Most agnostic or atheists I’ve met in the past would ridicule and it would work counterintuitive and make me regress because who in the world wants to be a “dumb person that believed in sky gods” so I would double down and find stuff where they were wrong or inconsistent to make myself feel better. Now that I’ve “seen the light” I have a wave of fear about my friends and family finding out and not taking it very well. I already have marks against me because I already outed myself as an anarchist(not the window smashing kind, I follow the NAP) and got a fairly rude treatment for believing no one should rule another no matter how they got in power. I’m afraid it may literally worry my mother to death but I can no longer live a lie any more. Ironically, I played a huge part in converting my mom to christianity.
    I can now deal with my depression I’ve been avoiding for years and actually get treatment that I’ve denied myself because “god will take care of it”. Knowing now there is no god, I have to do his work for him. Penn Teller taught me that. Anyway, I feel like I have a book or two in me and it’s very helpful to find others that have been through simular experiences and I want to help others but I have zero interest in proselytizing as I don’t think it works in reverse.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s