Hello! I have missed you all. Reading and interacting and so on. A lot has been going on and I hope to do a more in-depth post about that sometime soon.

What I wanted to say today was, that if you have been following my Agnostic Wife’s Facebook it is deactivated right now.

Facebook was just taking up too much of my time and I figured if something had that much of a hold on me then I should probably step back from it for a while. So I deactivated my private account, but it was linked to the Agnostic Wife’s account and it made me do both. ūüė¶ I actually felt relief and a bit of grief when I hit that deactivate button. I knew then that it had too much control over me.

Both the AH and I have deactivated and plan to do all sorts of things besides be on Facebook. I will miss the cat memes though. ūüôā

So with that extra time I hope to be able to spend some of it here. Boring you with my ramblings and a recipe or two that I’ve tried that happened to be a success.

See you soon!

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Book Review- The Agnostic’s Tale

johnraeAfter identifying as an indifferent agnostic for 25 years, John Rae decided he needed to dig further into what he believed and why. ¬†The Agnostic’s Tale is the written account of Mr. Rae’s research and journey.

While the book is a short read, it kept me interested. Rae’s goal was to remain open minded and speak not only to Christians from different beliefs, but to atheist both dogmatic and not. In the end he hoped to have a better grasp on what it was he believed. Time and again Mr. Rae was told by those that believe that the reason there is a god is because of the capacity to love unconditionally and our ability to be unselfish. Of course, he was also told by those that are unbelievers, such as Richard Dawkins that our ability to be unselfish is an evolved trait.

One of the biggest questions John Rae struggled with was why anything exists at all. Of course, no one could answer that and it was the knowledge given to him by Martin Rees that someday the earth will cease to exist and along with that it’s humans, that had Rea so hesitant to believe in any god at all.

I cannot help thinking about the time when the sun will die and the earth with it and the fact that there will be no trace, no memory anywhere in the universe that life on earth ever existed. The thought that the human adventure is going to end in oblivion may tilt my agnosticism, if not towards atheism, then at least towards Pessimism rather than Hope.  Page 6

In the end, Rea reached a conclusion about what he believed. He like many before him and many after, went in search of answers of the existence of a god. When those questions could not be answered he drew the only conclusion he could. A god does not exist.

I enjoyed Mr. Rea’s approach. While he ended up retaining his non belief, he retained his respect for the tradition of religion and respected it’s followers and leaders. I would suggest this book to those who’d like to see a variety of answers to the same questions, by both believers and unbelievers, it’s a easy thought provoking read.

John Rae passed away in 2006, however his wife Daphne Rae, had his book published as it was his wish. You can read a recent interview with Daphne Rae here.

Disclaimer-I received this book free. All that was required of me is that I write a review on my site after I was done reading.

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Book Review- Cults and Closets Coming Out of Chaos.

Several months ago Troy Fitzgerald contacted me and asked if I’d be interested in reading his soon to be released book Cults and Closets¬†Coming out of the Chaos. ¬†As you know I’m always up for a read, so I said yes.

My review follows.


Cults and Closets Coming out of the Chaos is written by Troy Fitzgerald. In the book he describes in detail his early life in a cult religion, being a pastors kid, and feeling as if he never really fits in. All the while struggling to hide his true thoughts and feelings for fear of disappointing his family and being rejected.

Those thoughts and feeling continue into adulthood, where Mr. Fitzgerald begins to find his true self. His book documents his journey out of religion as well as out of the closet as a homosexual and continues on his journey to find his true self. The self he has spent a life time not only hiding from his family and loved ones, but hiding from himself as well. As the book comes to a close he has this bit to offer his readers.

“It’s time to stop supporting the cults and it’s time to stop pushing one another into closets. We have to take responsibility as a society for creating these cults and closets and tear them down, open them up- liberate one another and embrace our humanity, our authentic selves. We have to stop being so afraid of our own humanity.”

Many of us are afraid for one reason or another, to be who we really are. Cults and Closets is a book about becoming who you are and embracing the journey it took to get there.

Disclaimer-I received this book free. All that was required of me is that I write a review on my site after I was done reading. 

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Great Loss

The AH’s mom, my MIL and the kids beloved Nana passed away late Friday night. We were the last to see her Friday, leaving a mere 4 1/2 hours before her death. She did not look well at all and she was non-responsive. We whispered our love to her. I rubbed lotion on her once smooth hands. I noticed someone had been keeping her toenails painted. I assume it was her daughter. They were a pretty red.

It went too fast and was unexpected. She had been admitted a month earlier with a future and plans that filled it with a stubborn bought of pneumonia. Somehow, while in hospital she fell, went into cardiac arrest, aspirated vomit and ended up intubated, extubated, intubated again and then had a surgery for a tracheotomy and feeding tube. This all within 3 weeks.

She left this earth much too fast, with many things left undone. We all miss her terribly.

We will remember her fondly. We will miss her “bringing a party” as she used to say and do.

We will remember her always.

Goodbye Nana, we send you back into the earth with our love an admiration.

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Crazy Busy

It has been a busy few months.

Late August school started and that’s always an adjustment. Having to get up earlier and go to bed earlier and do homework. it took a week or so to get in the groove of that. A few days after school started, I had my tooth prepped for a crown. I’d been putting it off for over a year, but had to have it done so I didn’t further damage my tooth. A temporary crown was placed, and it was one of the most painful experiences I’ve had. For three weeks I dealt with severe nerve pain. I was miserable and was unsure if it would last only until my permanent crown was placed or if it would last weeks, months or years. I thought I was experiencing¬†nerve damage from the numbing shot, but after it was all said and done, I think it was that the temporary crown was pressing on a nerve. I rotated Loratab and 600 mg ibuprofen¬†¬†for the three weeks. Placing the permanent crown was so painful I was shaking, but thankfully after a few days of pain meds and placing cold compresses on my face, I began to feel better. I occasionally have a little pain, feels kind of like my tooth is bruised, but I will take that any day over what it was feeling like.

That took up most of early to mid September. Late September my mother in law began to feel sick. After several doctor visits she was diagnosed with pneumonia. Her antibiotics didn’t work and she ended up in the hospital. While being taken for a routine test she passed out from lack of oxygen hit her head went into cardiac arrest and then aspirated vomit as she came to. She is currently in ICU on life support. She seems to be getting better, but it will be several more days until we can even think about waking her out of sedation and potentially pulling the tube.

Today was my birthday, but we’ve been too busy and too worried to celebrate. Maybe when things slow down.

Also, all of us are wracked with terrible allergies, that make going outside to enjoy the beautiful weather no fun at all.

Posted in About Me, Life, Random Ramblings | Tagged , , , | 10 Comments

Safe Haven

safehavenNetflix recently released Safe Haven. I went to the movies to see it when it first came out. I liked the movie, little bit of romance, little bit of surprise and a little bit of crazy. Makes for a good combination.

I left feeling a bit, hmm, I don’t know what, contemplative maybe.

In the movie the lead character(played by Julianne Hough) is running from something. She boards a bus and gets off in this small, charming, ocean front town in North Carolina. There she begins to make a new life, with new people and becomes very happy.

I’ve talked about sometimes wanting to run away on the blog before. When I watch this movie I begin to think about it again. To think about what it would be like to take myself and my family to a safe haven. Someplace where we are new and no one knows that we are heathens. Where new relationships can be formed on trust and being up front with each other. Where I can leave behind these old or stagnant relationships, who have basically rejected me and mine, because of what we are not. ¬†Where I’m free to be me because there are no preconceived notions of what I should be or what I once was.

Through these last several years, that is where I have struggled. Not fitting in. Where being true to yourself coincides with what everyone wants you to be and if I’m being honest, what you wish you could be for them.

Weighing heavy on me, is the fact that my best friend doesn’t¬†seem to really want to have much to do with me anymore. Since she found out she has been distant and rejected my attempts to reach out to her. She has messaged the AH to tell him all the reasons he should believe in God and that he really knows there is a God, but just doesn’t want to admit it. She has not said these things to me or contacted me, just him. Leading me to believe that, she too thinks he and he alone has led me down this road to denying a god.

Maybe I have a case of the grass is always greener. I’m not sure. I wonder if it’s just not the-grass-is-greener-436x620where I live and who my family and friends are. Why must I be rejected because I believe in one less god than those who are doing the rejecting? Why must children who have been in my life their whole life, now be protected from me? Why? Besides, I’m tired of trying to water the grass here, it feels like someone is always putting a kink in my hose.

I am to the point with my friend, who I have known since grade school, that I am stepping back. I am done with giving her space and hoping she will deal and come to the conclusion that she likes me for me, not for what I believed in. I am stepping back and it’s saddens me that this is not the first, or second time or even third time I am doing this since I came out to my friends and family. This is the fourth time. The fourth time that I believe religion has come between a relationship that I have had with someone. The fourth time that I have felt I’m no longer good enough for them. The fourth time, I have grieved a loss of sorts.

So you see, I suppose I have this fantasy in my head that if I go somewhere where I’m likely to be more accepted, somewhere where the beauty would distract me, somewhere where I could be a non believer from the get go, life could be more beautiful.

Because some days it would be easier to be distanced from those I love and care about because of miles,  not because of personal beliefs.


p.s. I realize this post seems whiny and poor meish. However, after I’ve thought on these things for days, it helps me to write them out, which in turn helps me to let them go, at least for the time being. It helps me step back and say, hey, that was yesterday and today is a new day and you have those that love you, and like you the way you are, maybe not the ones you had hopped, but good, likable people none the less. I need more good, likable people in my life.
Posted in About Me, Agnostic, Atheist, Outing Oneself | Tagged , , , , , , | 14 Comments

Excellent Post from Single Dad Laughing

I absolutely love this post about morality from Dan.

I could go on about it, but I’m posting from my iPhone, in a hair salon, so I won’t. Read it and then we can discuss in the comments.


Posted in Agnostic, Atheist, Christian, Interesting, Parenting | Tagged , | 2 Comments