In April of 2009 I had a miscarriage. I still thought of myself as a Christian then and was pro-life all the way I couldn’t fathom how someone could want a pregnancy to end. How someone could want to stop a beating heart, which I believed equaled life. I tell you this because April of 2009 is when I became pro-choice. At that time I was approximately 12 weeks pregnant. My pregnancy had not been going normally since an early ultrasound at 6 weeks to rule out twins, showed that the fetus was a week behind my calculations. Sometimes that is not a big deal, but I knew my date of conception and I knew that this didn’t bode well for my pregnancy. I knew the likely outcome and my fears were confirmed two weeks later when another ultrasound showed minimal growth and a very, very slow heart beat.
I’m a realist I could not deny the fact that this was not going to end how I had hoped. Granted I wanted a different outcome, but life is life and we don’t always get what we want. Weekly I endured trans-vaginal ultrasounds to check on the progress of my baby. Weekly I was disappointed and saddened that there was no growth and the heart beat became even slower. Of course, I was praying during this time. A time when not only was I having a failed pregnancy, but many other things were going on as well.
I began to pray that God just hurry up and take this baby. I was suffering. My family was suffering. I found it all unnecessary and I was becoming increasingly angry at the situation. What was the point of all the suffering. It wasn’t just the pregnancy I was suffering it was the other things as well. So much disappointment going on at one time. What did I ever do to deserve that?
Sitting in my doctor’s office practically begging him to give me some sort of hope, I had a realization. I just wanted it to be over. I wanted it to be done with and I was pretty much ready to sign up for whatever that may include. I kind of hinted to my doctor that I wanted it to be done, but I didn’t come out and say what I meant. I don’t even know what he would have said to that or if he would have done things differently but we agreed to just let my body do what it needed to do. At that moment, sitting in my doctors exam room, I became pro-choice.
You never know the circumstances of someone who has an abortion. Never. I believe whether it’s what we individually would do or not, we don’t have the right to tell someone what they can and can’t do with their body. Before that experience I would have never willingly ended a heart beat, which remember I felt signified life. My baby was not alive. My baby was not normal. Something was very, very wrong.
About a week later, as I sat on the couch contracting I understood. I understood how heartbreaking if must be for some women to decide to abort. How with that a hope and a dream dies. It’s not what they wanted to happen but it’s what was happening, for whatever reason.
Now don’t misunderstand. I am still pro-life, I do not like the fact that some women seem to use abortions as another form of birth control. I wish that didn’t happen, but on the flip side, what kind of life would that child lead if it came into this world unwanted and unloved from the beginning? These are all things I think about now. These are valid questions and thoughts and I know I’m not the only woman to think them.
We must stand up for our rights, even if we never, ever plan to use that right. We have the right to decide what is done with our bodies and with whom to do it with.
I fully believe that old cliché of “never say never” is true. You really don’t know what life may bring or how you will react to that situation until you are in it.
So, that is how I switched from a pro-lifer, to pro-choice.
Have you had a change of heart about something you once were very passionate about? Do you support pro-life or pro-choice and how did you reach that decision?
The Agnostic Wife 
I think I am in flux on this issue – like you I cannot imagine the circumstances that someone might encounter. I personally am pro-life, meaning that I could not stop that heartbeat as long as there was hope. I can’t impose that on someone else. I also am troubled by the idea of abortion being used as birth control. As a teen so many of my friends had abortions because they didn’t use birth control and they were not ready to be parents. I don’t know the answers for someone in that situation. I am pro-life but I am pro-choice to – I am in favor of you deciding for yourself.
I think taking those rights away would be a very bad thing. Though I personally may not agree with why someone chose to do it, not having that choice could be far more disastrous.
I agree with you. I also think there would be fewer abortions if we as a society did a better job of giving people options – both before and after conception.
Also if sex wasn’t so taboo here in America we could properly educate people.
I agree – and I think the fear of education is so unfortunate. Education does not mean that you are telling your teen to have sex – it’s helping her to understand the responsibility and consequences – how to be safe. I think some conservatives view education as endorsement.
It seems that’s exactly how a lot view it. Don’t talk about it maybe it will go away. Also tell them God will be angry and disappointed with them for doing it, which leads to them hiding things and feeling extreme guilt thus starting a vicious cycle.
It’s going to happen education about it is best. Sex is a natural thing.
I seem to be having trouble formulating what I’m trying to say. But I’m gonna give it a shot:
I don’t know how I got here or where I came from, but if I can make someone else’s experience (life?) better I will certainly try. Do to my son having a massive stroke at birth and spending so many years with surgeries, clinic visits, procedures, you name it, I have witnessed a painfully large number of children suffering do to severe birth defects. Many are totally alone or with a “guardian” to see over them. They writhe in pain, cry out and moan for hours on end.
I can’t imagine that they would want to spend YEARS going through such pain. If I knew I was pregnant with a child that would endure such agony I would tearfully say goodbye and mercifully end the pregnancy.
I know two women who had abortions ( that I know about) . One did it for selfish reasons and never looked back. The other did it out of sheer terror and regrets it still, decades later. I am not in a position to judge either one of them.
I am definitely pro-choice.
While my children where in the NICU I saw a fair amount of suffering, both from children and parents. It’s something you never forget.
It’s tough to say what I would do if I were in a situation where my child would have to suffer just to live. I can tell you now that abortion would be something I thought about now verses not thinking about it at all. What a huge decision to have to make.
A child doesn’t need a “guardian” if their parents love them. I would never orphan a child because he has any disabilities. When my mother had cancer she went to a clinic every week with a little boy named Joey. He had cancer since he was born and his parents loved him and kept him. He died because of a brain tumor but was happy to be alive
If I had a child with cancer I too would love them and keep them and show them they are loved. If they should happen to die I would be devastated, but so happy that I got to have them as long as I did. Then I would honor their memory. My life would never be the same, a piece would be missing.
Thank you for sharing your stories and for commenting.
I have had two abortions. Before you judge let me explain (though I do not owe anyone an explaination):
first one: I was a teen, so much was going on, but I was being safe. I was on birth control, we used condoms…Somehow we got a bad batch (we didnt check them or maybe it tore a bit when we put it on I dont know. Maybe it was a combination of me not taking the pills right and the condom being broken. I spent a long time trying to figure it out. I have since stopped wondering and just accept that it happened). I ended up pregnant. I was terrified, the relationship was abusive, home life was in shambles and abusive…and in the midst of all of it my birth control failed. When my home troubles ended with a death, I could not handle it any more, my mom could not handle it anymore. I had an abortion, no one was ready, the circumstances were beyond what I have ever endured. I do not wish that situation on my worst enemy. DO I regret it? It sounds horrible, but no I do not. Because that child would have grown up like I did, no child deserves that.
Second one: Pregnant with twins, so increadibly beyond sick….I was already ill with MRSA (which is NOT fun let me tell you). I was beyond what a normal pregnancy sick should be, even with MRSA considered. At the time I did not KNOW I was pregnant, the medication I was on was heavy my periods were way out of wack…WHen I found out….they were rotting in my oven. My body was NOT doing what it was supposed to be doing, we had to have them removed. Do I feel bad about it? slightly, but I’m curious to know if it could have been avoided had we had known. Even with the MRSA (which I did bounce back from thankfully).
I am not relgious I am atheist, have been since I was very young. I understand life and I understand that not only is life NOT fair, but sometimes these things do happen.
I have since had a successful (but very hard) pregnancy and have a WONDERFUL child whom I ADORE (and was PLANNED). We decided on no more kids…one and done…Hubby decided because to him one is enough….for me….it was to avoid any more situations where I may have to make that same decision and I find that to be irresponsible to potentionally risk that (for me, no judgement on anyone else if they have chosen otherwise).
I am pro-choice, because I do not know that womans situation, I do not KNOW why she feels abortion is the path for her. I don’t need to know. She deserves a safe and sanitary clinic with trained professionals. I also believe we need a BETTER sexual education system. Abstainance only does NOT WORK. (I obviously did not have AO sex ed, but I know many who have and ended up screwed). We are not only failing ourselves but we are failing our kids if we do not offer them these programs.
There was a time in my life that I would have judged you but not now. I am way less judgmental than I used to be.
Thank you for sharing some of your story. 🙂
I believe you are right about teaching abstinence. It does not work. Better sex education is needed.
“unwanted and unloved from the beginning”? My aunt had a similar experience but chose to keep the child. He only lived for a few months and through the whole time he was having problems. They still loved him. They still hang up his stocking on Christmas there are still 6 children in that family. I assure you he was wanted and loved from the beginning and ever since.
I’m sorry your aunt lost a child. You do understand that I did not abort my baby I had a miscarriage that took a long time to happen(12 weeks). The baby was love and was wanted, however not every child is born into that situation. There are some children that are born unloved and unwanted. That is the truth even if we don’t want to hear it or face it or know it.
I was not faced with having to decide to abort of deliver a disabled child because it was clear that I was miscarrying. I got a glimpse of what those who do have to do that might feel like. Never say never.