I started this blog as a place to vent, a place to connect with others going through similar things. A place where I could be me. The me who’s not afraid of what others may think of her. A place to talk about my fears and frustrations. I needed this place. Those that have not or are not going through similar circumstances cannot understand.
I recently had a breach of security. To be more exact, my mom found the blog. As you can imagine that’s not going all that well. I never intended for her to find it. I never intended for her to read my words, though I knew the possibility was there, it is the internet after all. I never meant to hurt her more than I already had by deconverting. I only meant to be me.
For now I’ve password protected most of my posts. Feel free to ask to read, I’m open to sharing my experiences with others, I just would rather my family not read. It hinders my ability to write so honestly.
If you would like the password, then you can email me at theagnosticswife[at]hotmaildotcom
I’m in the PTO this year. I didn’t want to be, but after a year of the PTO president, telling me how much they need dependable people like me I caved. I don’t hate it, but sometimes it’s hard for introverted me to drag myself to the meetings. I don’t mind helping once I’m there.
We had a Bingo night the other day and all our proceeds whet to a church. I really had to think on how I felt about that. It just didn’t go to the church it went to the food pantry. The food pantry at that church is filled by donations from the congregation mostly. However, we took in can goods for Bingo cards and had a concession stand. We collected a good amount of cans and I don’t know how much money went to the church yet for the pantry. The money part was news to me. I just assumed that the PTO would be keeping the money proceeds, but nope. I think that some of the other members were surprised that the PTO got nothing. We don’t have much money in our funds and so there was some disappointment I think.
I decided that I was ok with it going to the food pantry as it serves my community. No matter your religion or lack there of, if you are hungry, you need help and most of that help, if not all, will come from one of the many churches in my small community. As long as it goes to help someone in need I supposed I’m ok with it. I just hope that it doesn’t also come with too much propaganda.
I ran into Target the other day to get some bread. On my way to the check out I was behind two women. One was talking to the other about how it’s not Happy Holiday’s it’s Merry Christmas and it would always be Merry Christmas, not matter what anyone said. I just kept on walking. As I got to the check out a military woman was behind me. Behind her was a Muslim woman.
Everything that America represents was standing in that line at target. We had the Christian who was insulted by the mere thought of the words Happy Holiday’s. Then there was me, the atheist, then the soldier and then the Muslim. I walked out of Target with a smile on my face that day.
I thought the past two posts at Single Dad Laughing were a pretty good read. Though I don’t live as though God may be there I thought Dan’s letters probably mimicked a lot of what most us who have doubted have thought. I know most of it hit home with me. Just a short post today. I’ve got stuff brewing in my head for future posts. That is if I can ever get them from my head and onto the blog. For now enjoy or don’t the two posts I’ve link below.
Recently I was having a text conversation with the person I call my best friend. I say that because quite frankly we’ve not done best friends things in a long time. When she found out about my deconversion she was angry and scared and she pulled back from me. Apparently at that time her teenage step-son was giving the family some grief. I’m not sure what he did or is doing, I’ve asked her on several occasions and she says it’s too upsetting for her to talk about. That for the past year she had been feeling depressed and was just beginning to feel better. I said ok when your ready you can tell me, to which she agreed.
Somewhere in there my deconversion came up. She she that was upsetting to her as well and did cause some of the depression. I apologized for that being so upsetting to her(which I’m getting kind of tired of doing. Why should I apologize for my experiences. I can’t control how others deal with them.). She said she didn’t want to talk about it either because calling her best friend and atheist upset her too. I said well don’t call me an atheist then. I’m ok with being called an unbeliever, or a humanist. To which she said “The H word makes me want to puke. Lets just avoid the topic for now, if we can.” At first I let it slide, but as I talked with her more it began to bug me that she appears to think that what I am or what I stand for or how I live my life clearly repulses her. I finally told her that it was upsetting to me that she would be so repulsed by something I identify with. She said she feels like “that work is a justification for something that feels like is trying to take my friend from me.” I wrote that I still didn’t understand. That humanist are for people and the greater good. Her response was “yes. It “sounds” lovely.” My response was “being for the greater good is lovely. Helping others is lovely. We are humans we need to help each other, not hurt each other. Be a champion for good.”
We went back and forth for a little while longer and then she said she needed to stop talking about it because she was starting to feel depressed. In our discussion I told her that saying something like that was hurtful. That I could tell her what I really think about Christianity, but that I don’t because I’m her friend, that is important to her and that I’m here to build her up not tear her down. She didn’t have anything to say to that, but she texted me everyday for several days after that, with small talk and chit chat. I believe she probably felt a bit guilty for being so judgmental, since she’s always saying religious folks are judgmental, but of course she doesn’t lump herself into that group.
I thought I was fine with how we left things. To tell you the truth I’m not sure how I feel right now. I kind of believe that we have only remained friends and I use that term loosely because we have been friends for 15 plus years. We were high school friends. There is history. She and I are going to need to talk about this at some point face to face. I need to see if she is able to drop her preconceived notions about what she think she knows atheism and humanism is and listen to my side of the story. Not just what her church and her devoutly religious mother have told her.
While I sympathize with my friends and family about their being upset I left religion, I’m not apologizing anymore for it. I’ve done it more than once to each of them. They sure as hell haven’t been as apologizing for their behavior. I’m beginning to become very impatient with those that continue to want me to live the life they want me to live. How about you live your life as you see fit and I live mine as I see fit. If we can find some medium ground there and remain in each other lives that’s great. If you continue to condemn me and disrespect me and mine then you can take your judgement and opinions with you as you go. Life is too short and precious to be surrounded by those who don’t love you unconditionally.
I’ve seen this come across my Facebook feed several times now. The people who repost it are always so excited that this popular song has gotten a Christian spin.
I never noticed until I became an unbeliever just how much Christians talk and sing about being covered by his blood. It’s kind of creepy to me now.
I’ve watched Grey’s Anatomy for years. It’s a decent show that, on more than one occasion, has had me in tears and sometimes a bit annoyed. A few years back they did an episode where one of the doctors had a preemie. Not a later term preemie but a very early one and that whole story line was unbelievable to me. I’ve seen and read about earlier (23 weeker and on)babies and their journey in the NICU is never as easy as they portrayed it in the show. Though those episodes made me cry because being reminded how scary it was and what your child looked like hooked up to stuff was very realistic.
So It’s been a few years since I could personally relate to a story line. That is until last weeks episode. Two characters, Jackson and April, are newly married. April is a devout Christian and Jackson is an unbeliever. While this has come up in a few other episodes as they try to navigate their love for each other amongst their differences it came to a head in episode 20.
In the first clip it’s setting the scene for the second clips explosion of emotions.
This second clip is the one I can relate to.
I’ve been there, in an argument with a believer, them being very passionate about what they believe and then as the unbeliever being finally pushed to the edge where you stop trying to be so nice and just blurt out what you really think. The look on her face when he says he thinks it’s imaginary. I’ve seen that face on my loved ones. As she shifts into feeling sorry for him, feeling pity for him. I’ve been him before, realizing that someone you love feels pity for you.
I’m interested to see how this story line plays out. I think this is a relevant topic for today’s society. We are seeing this more in everyday life. Families having to navigate through someone no longer conforming to their religious upbringing. My hope is that they will not have Jackson’s character have some sort of religious awaking. I’m hoping that he will be allowed to have his beliefs and argue for them, while being respectful and allowing April to keep hers. I’m hoping they allow these two to work through this because it can be done. I’ve seen it in real life. It’s not easy, but I think it can be done.
Of course, if they want to have April come to reason, then that would make it even better, however I’m pretty sure that’s not going to happen because I’ve read that the woman who plays April (Sarah Drew) is a Christian and it is her goal to have them portrayed as good people who are not extreme and who are not judgmental. I just don’t see her agreeing to having her character change her beliefs. Hopefully I’m wrong.
Do you watch Grey’s Anatomy? What are your thoughts on this particular argument that the characters are having? How do you think it will end for them?
I’d like to do away with Easter all together in our house hold, but I probably won’t for the kids sake.
My whole family, strangely, stopped celebrating Easter together 5 or 6 years ago. Mainly when my grandma got up in age and couldn’t handle cooking a huge meal for everyone. No one else picked up the task, so we just stopped doing it all together. So, my kids have never experienced a Christian Easter, one where all your cousins get together and hunt colored eggs in your Sunday best, after you go to church.
The Easters they have experienced have always been here at home, with just us. In the morning they get up and find an Easter basket full of junk. I say junk, because that’s really all it ever is. Stuff they are going to immediately lose interest in and then I’m going to pick it up off the floor and put it in the giveaway pile. They have never boiled eggs and colored them. I’ve always just gotten plastic eggs and filled them with more junk(candy, coins, small toys). They don’t even know why most people celebrate Easter. I take that back, they asked last year, but I don’t think they remember that. Of course, when they were really young I told them why it was celebrated, I was Christian then, and I know they don’t remember that.
So, it’s really not that big of a deal for them. However, since I’ve done it since they were born and they like candy, and to hunt the plastic eggs, they would miss it, so I do it year after year.
Kinda tired of it. Maybe I should get some Easter candy and I’d enjoy it more?
What are your thoughts on Easter? Do you celebrate it and if so what does it mean to you?
The Agnostic Wife 